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The Honest Liar

, , | Right | June 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Italian Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”

Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”

Customer: *click*

Because “Free” Is One Letter Away From “Fee”

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *click*

Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

, , | Right | June 11, 2008

(My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

(My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single, long, blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)


This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

, , | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello, [company name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [company president’s first name].”

Me: “May I ask who is calling?”

Caller: “This is Joe. He is expecting my call.”

Me: “… and you are with?”

Caller: “Just put me through, he knows me and is expecting me to call.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but my instructions are to find out who is calling and what company they are with before transferring the call.”

Caller: “Look, I am his brother and you better put me through right now!”

Me: “Oh really? Well, I am his sister and I know for a fact that we don’t have a brother.”

Caller: *click*

(Salesmen will say anything to get through. And yes, I am the CEO’s sister.)


This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Caught-Lying-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 True Stories About Scammers Who Failed Miserably!

 

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Read the Even-More-Customers-Caught-Lying-themed roundup!

Thick(headed) As Thieves

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to install your program but it keeps quitting during the set up.”

Me: “Are you getting any error messages?”

Customer: “No, it just quits and I have to restart the installation.”

Me: “At what point does it quit?”

Customer: “Well, it’s on the screen where is says registration code. I hit cancel and then it quits.”

Me: “In order for the installation process to finish, you need to put in a registration code.”

Customer: “Can you give me one?”

Me: “For your program to work, you need to put in the code that comes with it.”

Customer: “Well, how do I find that?”

Me: “It would be on a slip of paper inside the box.”

Customer: “What box?”

Me: “The box that the CD came in.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a box. Could you just give me a code?”

Me: “When you bought the program it came in a box, did you lose the box?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t buy it; I got it from a friend. But I don’t think she bought it either. The CD looks like it was homemade.”

Me: “…homemade?”

Customer: “Yeah, the top of the CD has handwriting on it. It’s just like the music CDs she gives to me.”

Me: “I’m going to have to assume that the person who gave you this CD downloaded the program illegally. I can not provide you with a code to activate the software without a proper purchase.”

Customer: “So now I can’t use it?”

Me: “Not without purchasing it.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to pay for it; I just want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it just won’t work that way.”

Customer: “Well, what good are you, you lousy b****?!” *click*