(Our business asks people to attach a test-project when submitting a support ticket, so we can easily reproduce the problem. This phone call happens after we receive a ticket without a test-project.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], I’ve spent the last two hours trying to reproduce the problem in ticket [number], but the functionality seems to be working fine here. Could you please provide us with a test-project, so we can help you solve the problem?”

Customer: *sends me a document with screenshots* “As you can see, it’s not ‘working fine.'”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can see that it’s not working on your computer. However, it is working on mine. If you could please provide us with a test-project, so we can reproduce the problem…”

Customer: *interrupting* “I don’t have time for this! I have already sent you a document to prove that it’s not working. Fix it!”

Me: “As I said, I can see that it’s not working on your computer, but I cannot reproduce the problem on my computer without a test-project. I can’t fix something that’s not actually broken.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to build another one of those d*** test-projects. You’re wasting my time. You should be able to tell what’s wrong from the screenshots I sent you.”

Me: “Sir, this problem you’re having can have multiple causes. I can’t tell which one it is without being able to check the logs. I cannot see those on your screenshots.”

Customer: “You’re useless.” *hangs up*

Me: “And… good day to you, too.”

(I closed the ticket with the note, “Works on my machine.”)

Me: *towards the end of haircuts* “How would you like your neckline shaped?”

Literally 75% Of Men That Get In My Chair: “Doesn’t matter to me!” *laughs* “I never see it anyway!”

Me: *yet again, fakes light laughter, soul crushed from hearing the same joke eight times a day*

(I work for a popular fast food chain that very often has online coupons you can download in the app to get a discount on various items. It used to be the case that if a customer wanted to use one of said coupons, they would just show us the coupon and we would manually apply the discount by clicking on a certain button. This is not entirely in accordance with corporate policy, because customers are supposed to open the coupon by dragging a ribbon, and then a bar code pops up. With the latest POS update, the button for applying discounts has been removed. We have been given a handheld scanner, which means we now have to ask customers to indeed open up the coupons to bring out the barcode. Some customers are having trouble adjusting to this new system and think it’s ridiculous.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Popular Fast Food Chain]! How can I help you today?”

(I take the customer’s order and ask her to pull forward to the window so I can cash her out.)

Me: “Hi! Your total will be [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, I totally forgot! I have your app, so can I get the discount on [item she ordered]?”

Me: “Sure thing! Just show me the coupon and you can start saving that money.”

Customer: “Why do I need to show it? I never have to show it.”

(I show her the scanner and explain the new system to her.)

Customer: “But last week, you guys gave me the discount without making this fuss!”

Me: “That was last week. Unfortunately, the rules have changed, so if you still want that discount, you’re going to have to show me that coupon.”

(This conversation goes back and forth with her constantly mentioning that she’s never had to show any coupons and just exhibiting a complete unwillingness to cooperate with me. Meanwhile, I’m getting more agitated with her as a line of cars with hungry people is now starting to form.)

Me: “Ma’am, just a friendly reminder: I don’t actually make the rules and I don’t have the technical know-how to bypass the scanner, so unless you want to sit here and aimlessly squabble over a couple of cents, it would be much easier and faster for all of us if you just showed me the coupon you’re referring to.” 

Customer: “You know what?! Never mind. I’ll just go to [Different Location] and they won’t make me jump through all these hoops!”

(The customer then sped off, leaving me bewildered as to why taking her phone out of her pocket and showing me a simple coupon was so much trouble to her. Besides, her “solution” wouldn’t do her much good as the other location she was referring to is owned by the same person, which means the same rules apply there, as well.)

When doing group assignments in school, at any level, there is often someone who just doesn’t do their share. But this one takes the cake, and possibly the whole dessert tray, as well. 

It started out as a pretty normal group assignment: make a group of three or four people, exchange contact info, turn it in by the assigned date. I end up with the two people sitting closest to me and we start working out what times and days we can meet to work, and this guy walks over and announces that he will be joining our group. He seems to think we should be grateful about this for some reason. He also keeps talking over the rest of us, condescendingly explaining how he thinks we should do the project, and completely ignoring that we are just trying to exchange contact info and make plans to meet another time as we only have a few minutes before class is over. We finally get his contact info, he says he has everyone else’s info, and we plan to meet on campus on Saturday. So far so good.

Saturday comes. Everybody but the one guy shows up at the right spot, at the right time, and we wait. We call his number, no answer. We wait some more. We call again, and again. Forty minutes later, we give up and get to work. About an hour after that, as we wrap up for this week and are planning what day and time next week to meet again, he calls. He’s mad we didn’t wait for him. 

He says he was up late the night before, and that we “should have called and reminded him or rescheduled.” Apparently, he was in a band, and it wasn’t his fault at all that he forgot and overslept, but it was somehow our responsibility to make sure he got to the group meetings.

The next class day, he could not understand why we asked the teacher to remove him from our group. The teacher, after hearing both sides of the story — the guy’s version was that we were all “just b******, anyway” — very quickly agreed to our request.

My brother was one of those students that partied heavily and “studied” on the side. He did eventually earn his degree, but had to finish in night school because my parents were fed up with paying for his tuition while he had redo every grade due to the partying. These are just two anecdotes from his time as a student:

One day, he was skipping class because of a serious hangover. He was awoken by a call from his classmates, stuck on a project. 

He initially refused to go and help them out due to his hangover but they insisted. My dad, on an off-chance not working that day, had to drive him to college as there was still too little blood in his alcohol to drive around safely. He arrived, supporting himself by leaning heavily on the bench, and he just looked and pointed out the short circuit they created.

Another time, a bit soberer but lacking sleep, he fell asleep in class. The TA noticed and asked him to answer and solve the formula on the blackboard. My brother lifted his head and opened his eyes just far enough to reply that he couldn’t because it contained an error. The TA then flew into a rant to the rest of the class that nobody had seen the error and that it was so noticeable that even someone asleep could see it. He did leave my brother alone for the rest of the class, though.