(My girlfriend and I are both jogging in the mornings to get in better shape. She is a morning person, and I am decidedly not.)
Girlfriend: “Come on, time to get up. We have to go run before it gets too hot.”
Me: *groan*
Girlfriend: “Don’t moan. Get up; we have to go!”
Me: *sleepily* “F*** you.”
Girlfriend: “After we run.”
Me: “…deal.”
(My fiancé has a medical condition which causes him to be sick frequently. For once, I get sick and am begging him to take care of me.)
Me: “Can you make me some tea? My tummy feels icky.”
Fiancé: “I already brought you some ice water, the humidifier, your laptop, and I even ran to the store first thing this morning for some medicine. Plus you haven’t touched the soup I made you.”
Me: “But it’s cold, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
(I start to cry, so he drags me to the bathroom to throw up while he makes my tea.)
Fiancé: “Ready to get back in bed?”
Me: “Yes, thank you for taking care of me.”
Fiancé: “You’re welcome, but don’t make a habit of this! You are very needy and difficult when you’re sick.”
Me: “Hey, I take care of you when you get sick!”
Fiancé: “That’s different! When I get sick, you can drive me to the hospital and leave me there for a few days until my body stops trying to kill me.”
Me: “I stay in the hospital with you, don’t I?”
Fiancé: “Yes, you do. When we get married I’m going to ask the preacher to leave out the ‘in sickness and in health’ part.”
(My brother and I are both in the kitchen before school. I’m 19 and he’s 14. I am up very late, as usual, and am a bit out of it.)
Me: “[Brother], pass me the p*rn cops.”
Brother: “…I guess I know why you were up so late.”
(My boyfriend and I are talking. We are both blonde, him more so than me.)
Me: “We would make such blonde babies.”
Boyfriend: “We would, indeed.”
Me: “We could repopulate the world when blondes die out!”
Boyfriend: “We would be doing the world a favor. With smart blondes, even!”
Me: “We would make pretty Sheldon Coopers.”
Boyfriend: “Indeed. The world would be a better place.”
Me: “Full of socially-awkward smart people and science everywhere!”
Boyfriend: “Indeed. To the bedroom!”
This story is part of the Nerds In Love roundup!
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(We are at a backyard cookout. The hosts are a girl and her transgendered boyfriend.)
Boyfriend: “What are you doing?”
Girlfriend: “I’m eating a hot dog. I like them, and God knows you don’t give me any.
Everyone Else: “Ooooh!”
Boyfriend: “What are you talking about? I’ve got three upstairs.”
