The Estrogen Empire Strikes Back

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2008

(A customer had a complaint about his food. He refused to let the woman working the register help him.)

Man: “I want to talk to a manager.”

Female Employee: “Yes, sir.”

(The employee gets a shift manager to help her.)

Shift Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “No, I want a manager!”

Shift Manager: “I am a shift manager, sir.”

Man: “I want to see the store manager!”

Shift Manager: “Uhm, okay, sir, I’ll be right back.”

(I was in the office working on the crew schedules for the next week. Shift Manager comes in and asks me to deal with the customer. She didn’t need to explain. I’d heard it all… He was very loud. I went to help deal with the situation.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I want to see a f****** God-d*** manager! Where’s the f****** store manager?”

Me: “I am the store manager, Sir.”

Man: “I want to speak to a male manager!”

Me: “Sir, all of my shift managers are female. As, clearly, am I.”

(Actually, every person working that day was female.)

Man: “I demand to speak to your d*** f***ing boss!”

Me: “I can get you a number so you can call my district manager, sir. Will that be okay?”

Man: “Finally! DO IT NOW!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Just a second.”

(I go into my office and grab one of the district manager’s cards.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. If you give HER a call, I’m sure SHE will be happy to help you.”

(I thought he was going to have a heart attack after that. Purple was definitely not his color.)


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Meatheaded

, , | Right | March 19, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [local and independent burger joint]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Hi… what’s on your combination burger?”

Me: “A beef patty, sauce, onions, pickles, cheese and a chopped bacon patty.”

Customer: “…And what’s on your mushroom burger?”

Me: “A beef patty, mushrooms and mushroom sauce.”

Customer: “…so what’s the difference?”


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Fun With Language Barriers

, , , , , , | Right | March 18, 2008

(I worked at this little burger joint in Seattle. I’m white, but I’m bilingual. Our grill workers all spoke primarily Spanish, so I would talk to customers in English and call backorders in Spanish.)

Old Man Customer: “Now, what is a pretty young thing like you doing speaking the Dirty Man’s Language?”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Old Man Customer: “You should be speaking English! Its only natural, here in America!”

Me: “It’s just fastest, sir. The language communicates more efficiently in an environment like this.”

(I was not about to tell him that the grill workers were mostly South American immigrants, after hearing his first reaction.)

Old Man Customer: “Have some pride in your country! SPEAK ENGLISH when you call back my order, do you understand?”

Me: *knowing full well that his order wouldn’t actually come through if I did that* “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid it’s procedure.”

Old Man Customer: “I want to speak with your manager! This restaurant is just UNAMERICAN!”

Manager: *who had been working the register next to me* “Si, señor?”

Old Man Customer: *storms out*

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Hissy Fits As Profit Centers

, , | Right | March 10, 2008

(I am working the morning shift at a local sandwich shop and accidentally give the wrong order to the wrong patron. I run outside to trade the first customer and come back in and approach the second.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I gave your order to the wrong man. Would you like me to remake this for you?”

Customer: “You put s*** in my sandwich! I don’t want it back!”

Me: “Oh, no, sir. I’m sorry. See, I gave this to the wrong man and ran out to trade him. As I said, I can remake this for you; it will just take a minute.”

Customer: “NO. You put s*** in my sandwich. I don’t want you to make me another.”

Me: “Well, okay, sir. If you meet me at my register, I will be more than happy to refund your money.”

Customer: “Listen here, you little b****, you put s*** in my f****** sandwich! I can’t believe your manager doesn’t fire you!”

(This whole time my manager stands there laughing, doing nothing to help.)

Me: “What can I do to make this experience better for you? I can make a new sandwich or give you your money back.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(He then storms away and leaves sandwich/money free. As he’s leaving, I yell…)

Me: “Thanks for breakfast!”

 

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Behind Every Man Is An Embarassed Wife

, , , | Right | March 9, 2008

(Where I work, our dining room closes at 10:00 pm but the drive-thru stays open all night. I have just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the first door. We start talking through the door.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-thru and they’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that; if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

Me: “But you said you just went through?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just open the door!”

Me: “I can’t sir; we’re closed.”

(The man then walks around the store to the second door and starts banging there.)

Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-thru or give us a call.”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

(He then enters the drive-thru on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-thru window and a car waiting to order, and starts banging on the glass.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

(Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! It’s not that big a deal.”

Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! This is f****** embarrassing!”

(The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

(As soon as the window was closed, the woman started yelling at the man again.)

 

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