(I’m on a trip to India, and decide to eat at a local McDonald’s. In front of me is a pair of American tourists.)

Tourist #1: *in very bad Hindi* “Yes, I want a Big Mac.”

Cashier: “Sir, I understand English, if you would be more comfortable. So you want a Chicken Maharaja Mac?”

Tourist #2: “I thought you said you knew English? A Big Mac doesn’t have chicken, dumb-a**!”

(Hoping to speed this along, I decide to get involved.)

Me: “None of the McDonald’s in India offer beef. The local version of the Big Mac is made using grilled chicken patties instead. It’s actually pretty good.”

Tourist #1: “Man, who the h*** doesn’t eat beef?”

Me: “About one billion Hindus, most of them in India.”

(They both quietly place their orders, all the time mumbling about ‘pandering to locals.’)

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(My mom has taken my son and I out for a quick lunch. We get to our seat, and we notice that they forgot to include his toy in his meal. I go up to the counter to get one.)

Me: “Sorry, but there was no toy in my son’s meal.”

Cashier: “Sorry about that.” *yelling* “I’d like a boy toy, please!”

Employee In Drive Thru: “You and me both!”

Cashier: *goes red* “Here’s your, uh… boy toy, ma’am.”

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

Customer: *walks in*

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Excuse me, but can I see the manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry; our manager’s not in at the moment. I’m a supervisor, and I’m by myself at the moment. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “Yes, well, I came in and ordered a sub yesterday and the girl who served me was so bloody rude! She ignored me when I walked in; she was grumbling and sighing as she was making my sub. She just slapped it together, and it just looked like a dog’s breakfast. Then I got to the till, and the lady who served me there was so condescending towards me. She was just as rude to me.”

Me: “Okay, well, did you spot their name badge?”

Customer: “The person who made my sub was [name], and the lady who served me was [name]. Can you report those two to the manager for me? ”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that was the manager who served you.”

Customer: “Oh, well then, can you report her to the owners then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the person who put your sub through the register is the owner.”

Customer: “Good heavens! You have my sympathy!”

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

(The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

(The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

(My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

(The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

(The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

(My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

(A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

(Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

Customer: “Can I get them now?”

Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

Customer: “Can I get some more?”

Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

Me: “Sure.”

Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

(My manager’s just shaking his head.)

Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

(The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

Me: “—nice day.”