This Job Will Be The Undeath Of Me

| Working | August 7, 2013

(My coworker and I have a history of talking about video games and movies. Today we are discussing zombies.)

Coworker: “So if I turned into a zombie, I’d want someone to kill me before I ate anyone I cared about.”

Me: “Yes, but what if you could get better, like the zombies in Warm Bodies?”

Coworker: “That would be worse! Then I would slowly become human again and have to deal with the emotional and mental turmoil of having killed everyone I ever loved!”

Me: “Fine, if we are working, and the zombie apocalypse starts to go down, I promise I will kill you.”

Coworker: “Deal!”

(Later, our manager gets frustrated at something my coworker has done.)

Manager: “I’m going to kill [coworker]!”

Me: “Not fair! I called dibs first!”

(Our manager is so confused, she forgets what she was mad about. Now whenever she threatens to kill someone, we always scream “Dibs!”.)

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