(I had just paid for my lunch at a fast food restaurant and was waiting for my change.)
Cashier: *as he hands me my change* “Okay, your total is $12.05…”
(He hung his head as he realized what he said.)
Me: “It’s been a long day?”
Cashier: *tiredly agreeing* “It’s been a long day.”
(I pull up to the speaker.)
Employee: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Please hold for a moment.”
(I do so, my passenger and I talking while we wait, but after a couple of minutes pass I get worried.)
Me: *to passenger* “I think that they forgot us.” *to speaker* “Hello…? Are you there? Hellooooooo?”
Employee: *silence*
Different Employee: *after a minute* “HELLO?”
Me: “Hi! There you are!”
Second Employee: “Um, you haven’t ordered yet.”
Me: “No, because you haven’t asked for my order yet.”
Second Employee: “Okay?”
(A third employee handed us our food after we finally ordered, laughing the whole time.)
(I work at IKEA. Today I’m at the small food counter near the registers when a woman makes a fuss about us having run out of fish sandwiches. Behind her in line is a regular who is also the son of one of our senior workers. After a two or three-minute rant, he rolls his eyes and addresses her:)
Regular: “They sold out. Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to magically make pan-fried fish fall from the sky onto your sandwich.”
Woman: “What do you think you’re doing? Mind your own business!”
Regular: “This is my business. I’m here for a hot dog and you’re in my way; move along, please.”
(This woman sees the queue agree. She stomps off to a recently installed little machine with smiley faced buttons. The idea is to press the button corresponding with your experience. She begins repeatedly mashing the frowny-face.)
Regular: *orders his hot dog and calmly walks over to the machine, grabbing some mustard on the way while silently counting the number of times the woman mashed the button*
Woman: “What do you want now?”
Regular: *eats his hot dog in silence until she turns to leave, then he steps to the machine and starts pressing the smiley-face* “You hit it 37 times? Let’s top that score. 1, 2, 3, 4…”
Woman: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Regular: “8, 9, 10, pressing buttons, 11, 12…”
Woman: “Stop that! I am leaving a negative review! You can’t make it positive again!”
(By now the regular’s mother has shown up, as the manager has been so busy.)
Regular: “19, 20, 21…”
Regular’s Mom: *takes a look at her son, having heard the short version from my coworker who paged for her and connecting the dots* “I’ll call a manager.”
(She runs into the backroom of the food counter. Barely containing her laughter, she pages the manager, who shows up surprisingly soon.)
Manager: “What’s the issue, ma’am?”
Regular: “54, 55, 56…”
Woman: “He’s removing my angry points! You didn’t want to give me fish and I left a bad review and he’s removing it!
(There is a small crowd forming to take a look at the show — and buying more hot dogs and drinks to enjoy while they’re at it.)
Manager: *also having trouble containing his amusement* “Well, ma’am, I can only apologize. We’re out of fish, and just like we can’t stop you from leaving negative reviews, I can’t stop him from leaving positive ones.”
Woman: “Fine! When he leaves, I’ll just push the angry face more!”
Regular: *waves his mother over* “Hey, mom, can I have a few more hot dogs and a drink? I’ll be here until closing, 78, 79, 80…”
Woman: *leaves, screeching* “You’re all in on it. You’re all against me!”
Regular: “83, 84…”
(I am working the front counter at a fast food place and my first sentence to all customers is scripted. It’s, “Hi, welcome to Fast Food Place. Will this be for here or to go?” I see a spaced-out lady approaching.)
Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Will this be for here or to go?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Would you like it for here or to go?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Will you be dining in or taking out?”
Customer: *visually agitated that I keep asking* “YES.”
(Finally I just hold up the plate or to go container and make her point to one.)
(I am refilling my drink at the soda fountain. A young boy, about six, comes over and starts talking to me.)
Boy: “Hi there!”
Me: “Hi!”
Boy: “What’re you drinking?”
Me: “Just some root beer.”
Boy: “Root beer’s good. I’m getting Coke today.”
Me: “Oh, that’s—”
(Suddenly the boy’s father appears and takes him by the hand to quickly lead him away.)
Father: “[Boy], don’t talk to strangers!”
Boy: “But you said I was a grownup!”
