(I am at a popular, worldwide fast food chain to get a quick breakfast. I have ordered my food and am starting to order my drink.)

Me: “And I’d like a small, caramel frappuccino.”

Cashier: *looks at me condescendingly* “We don’t sell frappuccinos here. What else do you want?”

Me: “I could have sworn you did? The blended iced coffee with whipped cream?”

Cashier: “Oh, you mean a frappe!”

(I go to the register and ask for a half-dozen doughnuts. The cashier looks at her manager.)

Cashier: “She wants six, right?”

(The poor manager had a look of pure shock on his face and just answered “yes.”)

(I am in university, and I get a job at a fast-food chicken place not far from the main club area, where many students come to drink and party. The restaurant is set up so that customers can place their orders at the front, and while their food is being prepared, they can take a pop or dessert from the cooler. On my first night working, a couple of somewhat inebriated 20-somethings come in. My coworker on cash takes their order and I begin to prepare it in the back. As I’m working, I hear the thumps of running feet in the front, and the bell on the door jingle violently. I turn to look at my coworker who is looking back at me.)

Coworker: *explaining incredulously* “They just stole two cans of pop.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I process this, and wonder what the protocol is and if we need to call the police or anything.)

Coworker: “But they paid for their food.”

(I look down at the empty packages in front of me.)

Me: *with a grin* “Ah.”

(We joked about the incident for the rest of the night, wondering how long the thrill of having successfully stolen $2 worth of pop, would keep the master thieves from realizing they’d left their $15 meal behind.)

(I work at a fast food restaurant that offers fries and tater tots; you choose one for your meal.)

Customer: “I need a number four, with [Drink].”

Me: “Okay, did you want fries or tots with that?”

Customer: “Chili cheese tots.”

Me: “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “No.”

(We prepare the food, I take it out, and a few minutes later they are back to complain.)

Customer: “I didn’t get my fries!”

Me: “You didn’t order fries. I had you down for chili cheese tots.”

Customer: “I know, but there’s a picture of fries on the menu! It comes with fries!”

Me: “It says at the top ‘your choice of tots or fries,’ and you chose tots. I can ring you out for an extra order of fries, if you like.”

Customer: “NO! It’s your fault; you need to fix it! There’s a picture of fries. That means I get fries AND tots.”

(After several minutes of arguing back and forth, and my manager coming out to explain that you can’t get two sides, he sped off in the middle of a sentence.)

(In my line of work, dealing with customers results in us having to answer some questions with really obvious answers with a straight face and a calm, friendly tone. This one that I heard over the headset in the drive-thru, however, really took the cake.)

Customer: “What do you call that cheeseburger with bacon on it? The bacon cheeseburger? For $1.69.”

(She is obviously reading it from our outdoor menu as that is the price.)

Customer: *continued* “Does that have bacon on it?”

(It’s a good thing I wasn’t taking orders that day. My sarcastic reply to a coworker was, “No, we just call it that for the fun of it.”)