Customer: “Yeah, this movie didn’t play right. It keeps skipping. I want a different one.”

Me: “Okay, if you want to go grab another copy off the shelves I’ll get this checked in.”

(I scan the movie and it is three days late.)

Me: “Ma’am, this movie is three days late.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… I’ll have to charge you full price to rent another movie, and you’ll need to pay the late fee.”

Customer: “THE MOVIE DIDN’T WORK. I SHOULD GET ANOTHER ONE FREE!”

Me: “Well, it was a three-day rental, and you could have brought it in anytime in those three days and we would have been happy to exchange it free of charge. However since it’s late, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** BULL-S***! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

Customer: “F****** RIDICULOUS! THE MOVIE DIDN’T PLAY!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you had a full three days to bring it back.”

Customer: “I WAS F****** BUSY!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s not my fault.”

Customer: “GIVE ME YOUR BOSS’ NUMBER! I’M GOING TO REPORT YOUR A**! [Boss’s Name] IS AN OLD FRIEND AND YOU’RE GOING TO GET FIRED!”

(I give her the number and she storms out, muttering. I call my boss.)

Me: “Just so you know, you might be getting a call from your friend, [Customer’s Name] trying to get me fired.”

My Boss: “Who the h*** is [Customer’s Name]?”

(We have this awful woman who regularly shops at our store. One day we were extremely busy and a coworker of mine is struggling to fit shoes for three children.)

Mean Lady: “Bring me this size!”

Coworker: *disappears out back for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it appears we’ve sold our last pair.”

Mean lady: *throws shoebox at coworker’s head, hitting her squarely in the forehead*

Coworker: “Ouch…”

Mean Lady: “I hate you!”

This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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(A VERY high customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I NEED A WATCH!”

Me: “Alright… did you have anything in mind?”

Customer: “Not too expensive, with a leather band, and it has to match theeeessseee.” *points to his brown leather bracelets*

Me: “Okay, what about something like this?” *holds up watch*

Customer: “NO THIS ONE!”

(He points to a VERY expensive watch with a black metal band that meets NONE of his above-mentioned requirements.)

Me: “Well, that watch is rather expensive…”

Customer: “NOT TOO EXPENSIVE!”

Me: “Okaaay… what about these?” *points to customizable watches*

Customer: “I like those two! I like them because they’re round.” *one of the watch faces is, in fact, square*

Me: “…”

(Customer now attempts to answer his ringing phone, accidentally drops it, and while attempting to pick it up, falls onto my male boss. He groggily apologizes, then staggers out of the store to take the call, leaving behind his purchase from another store.)

Boss: “Is that guy high?”

Me: “As a kite.”

Boss: “Oh, okay. Because he just groped me.”

Me: *dies laughing*

(Customer now returns, accompanied by a friend. Customer continues to be stupid, while friend tries to shoplift. After all this has gone on, customer and friend go to talk to Boss.)

Them: “So are you guys hiring?”

Boss: “Am I hiring druggies or shoplifters? NO.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.

Customer: “Stupid b****!”

(He follows this up with miscellaneous other insults. I take mute off.)

Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

Customer: “OH, F***!” *click*

This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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(It is a known fact that when you go into our movie theater, you cannot have extra bags or cups, because that is how the theater makes their money. You can bring empty cups with you, but we cannot provide you with them. One night, a guy is not having it.)

Me: “Nope, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an extra bag.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because each bag is accounted for through our inventory, and if I give you one, it will be messed up.”

Customer: “Then how am I supposed to share with my son?”

Me: “Pay the 35 cents more and upgrade.”

(I finish giving him his order, and then turn around to clean up some of the mess. The customer suddenly reaches behind the counter, grabs another bag and takes off.)

Me: “Oh, h*** no!” *chases customer down with a team of gangsta ushers*

(We surround the customer, as all the ushers have their arms folded and are staring him down.)

Usher #1: “You gonna give her that bag back?”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

Usher #2: “Then don’t come here if you can’t follow our rules.”

*security guards escort him out*