Sounds Like Your Aunt Has Some Irreconcilable Differences

My husband and I recently quietly divorced, but we have agreed to remain friends and co-parent our teenage child.

At the next Christmas dinner, my hyper-religious aunt waits until everyone is seated to ask why we aren’t wearing our wedding rings. Our son looks uncomfortable and I am ready to slap her into next week, but [Ex-Husband] puts his hand over mine and squeezes gently.

Ex-Husband: “We don’t want to.”

Aunt: “Why?”

Ex-Husband: “Because we choose not to.”

Aunt: “But why? Unless you divorced and didn’t tell anyone, you should wear your rings!”

She gives me a triumphant look as if she has caught me in some big lie and she is just waiting for me to confess. We have told people; we just haven’t made a big deal out of it given the reason for our divorce. [Ex-Husband] has a death grip on my fist now, willing me to be quiet and still.

Ex-Husband: “We did divorce, [Aunt].”

Aunt: “Sinners! You know our Lord and Savior does not allow divorce!”

I laugh.

Aunt: *In an over-dramatic tone* “How can you be laughing? Why would you stray so far from the Lord? A divorce! What could be so bad that you could not mend your marriage?”

Ex-Husband: “Well, we both like men.” *Looks down the table* “Can somebody pass the cranberry sauce?”

[Aunt] looked like she would faint on the spot. The meal carried on with [Aunt] glaring at us every once in a while. She hasn’t said a word to me or [Ex-Husband] in years. Honestly, it’s quite nice.