(I’m having lunch with an old friend who has always been kind of stuck up about looks.)

Me: “And I’d like the vanilla ice cream for dessert.”

Friend: “Oh, no. You aren’t ordering dessert. You’re getting really fat.”

(The waitress does a double-take.)

Me: “I’m seven months pregnant. With triplets. You were at the baby shower.”

Friend: “That’s no excuse to let yourself go.”

(Needless to say, she isn’t my best friend.)

(I am a staff member of a weekend long anime convention. It’s the first day of the con and I’m working security duty, which usually just entails checking badges and answering questions. Earlier that week, one of our special guests had cancelled on us and because it was so last minute, most of the attendees aren’t aware until they arrive at the con.)

Female Con-Goer: “Excuse me! Do you know where [Cancelled Guest]’s panel is? The schedule says there’s supposed to be a panel right now but I can’t find it anywhere.”

(Literally the second I open my mouth, my walkie-talkie clicks on and we can both hear the voice very clearly.)

Coworker: “Hey, did we ever put up an announcement on the website about [Cancelled Guest] cancelling?”

(I watch the girl’s heartbreak before my eyes.)

Me: “Sorry.”

Female Con-Goer: “…Can I have a hug?”

(Yes, I gave her a hug.)

(My new boss is making small talk with me over a break. He’s a Christian from the Middle East, and has just been telling me me how glad he is to be in the US.)

Boss: “Yeah, over there people are always judging you on your religion, man.

It’s not right, you know?”

(At this point he notices my phone on the table.)

Boss: “Hey, you have a [Smartphone]? That’s a product of Israel, you know. Made there.”

Me: “Huh? Is it? Didn’t know that.”

Boss: *shakes head* “You know, those Jews… Not right what they’re doing in Palestine…”

(First encounter: hot and stinky afternoon; everyone finding a seat for the long commute home.)

Dude: “Excuse me, folks. This is really embarrassing but I need $8.20 to get home to Asbury Park. If you could help me out that’d be awesome.”

Me: *silent*

(Second encounter: months later, not so hot, just as stinky. And, obviously since I hadn’t moved, the same train line.)

SAME Dude: “Excuse me folks. This is really embarrassing but I need $8.20 to get home to Asbury Park. If you could help me out that’d be awesome.”

Me: *memory triggered* “Dude, I heard you give the same story months ago.”

Dude: *outta there*

(I assumed his story was more believable because he had a specific destination and dollar amount, though I’d think he’d pick one of the other countless train lines before he repeated one.)

(My roommate and I travel regularly and we are planning to be in Spain for my birthday this November. She wants to be conversational in Spanish and since I’m bilingual, I’m helping her. Meanwhile, I’m studying to certify as a court interpreter.)

Roommate: “Hey, after dinner, do you want help with your legal terms flashcards?”

Me: “That would be great! Thanks!”

Roommate: “That could teach me some more Spanish!”

(Later, we’re both writing out several hundred Spanish legal terms and she’s reading out the ones she is interested in. I do the same.)

Roommate: “Statutory rape…”

Me: “Litigation…”

Roommate: “Subpoena…”

Me: “If those are the words you need to know, you’re not coming with me to Spain!”

This story is part of our Spain-themed roundup!

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