(I’m going to see a movie with my aunt, and we approach the ticket-taker once we’ve gotten our snacks.)
Employee: *tears ticket* “It’ll be on the left.”
(He awkwardly points with his right hand over his left shoulder.)
Me: “Wait, my left or yours?”
Employee: *points again* “I, uh, pointed that way.”
(I’m going for an interview for an animal shelter. However, I get lost and after trying to call, I get no answer. Frustrated, I call it quits and go home.)
Me: *phone rings* “Hello?”
Lady: “Is this [My Name]?”
Me: “Yes.”
Lady: “Where ARE you?! It’s already 30 minutes past your interview! I’ve been waiting!”
Me: “Ah, this is Ms. [Lady] with the animal shelter? Yeah, I got lost and tried to call but… there was no answer. Sorry about that…”
Lady: “You… GOT LOST?! What kind of idiot are you?!”
Me: “There is no need for insults. I’ve already apologized, and–”
Lady: “What good does your apology serve me?!” *dogs in background start barking* “Listen, if you’re too stupid to find us, then maybe I won’t hire you after all! And–”
Me: “Fine with me. That’s the best news I’ve heard. GOODBYE.”
(I hang up, marveling at the nerve of this woman. I haven’t been hired yet and she’s already yelling at me! Poor dogs. I pity whoever gets roped in by her as their boss.)
(I order a free credit report from one of several companies in Canada. When I receive the report, it is very obvious that they have mixed my report with another person’s, so I call them to inquire. Understandably, they have to ask several security questions to ascertain my identity.)
Company Rep: “Can I have your age?”
Me: “I’m 55.”
Company Rep: “That’s not correct.”
Me: “I’m 55. How can it not be correct?”
Company Rep: “The forms say you must be between 66 and 72.”
Me: “I cannot be between those ages; I know for certain that I am 55.”
Company Rep: “I’m sorry, but that’s what the forms say.”
Me: “Do the forms not have my date of birth?”
Company Rep: “Yes, they do.”
Me: “And I was born in 1956, correct?”
Company Rep: “That’s correct.”
Me: “And it’s now 2011. 2011 – 1956 = 55, would you not agree?”
Company Rep: “Yes, but the paperwork says you have to be between 66 and 72.”
Me: “So you can’t figure out for yourself that the paperwork that your company has generated has made a mistake. Not only do you have my credit report mixed up with someone else’s, but you can’t do a simple bit of math and see that your answer is wrong?”
Company Rep: “I’m sorry. sir, but your age has to be between 66 and 72?”
Me: “Oh, for Christ’s sake!” *hangs up*
(My husband orders a breakfast combo meal with a fountain drink instead of coffee.)
Cashier: *poking around on the computer* “I can’t get it to change in the computer so you’ll just have to take the coffee.”
(After changing his order to something that didn’t come with coffee, he finishes up the transaction. I point to the sign that says we get a free cookie if we weren’t offered one.)
Me: “You didn’t offer us a cookie.”
Cashier: *glancing at me* “Well, we don’t have any.” *looking toward the really full cookie display* “Those are old.”
(I am 16, working in the kitchens at a summer camp I’ve been attending since I was about ten. A barbecue/buffet has been set up by the lake for the special needs adult campers, and being part of the kitchen staff, I am one of the staffers behind the line serving food.)
Camper: *smiling at me* “You’re gorgeous.”
(I can’t help but smile, and say the first thing that comes to mind.)
Me: “You’re gorgeous, too!”
(There are no words to describe how stunned and excited the man is when I say this to him, and he turns to the next camper in line, hitting him on the shoulder repeatedly to get his attention.)
Camper: *in a loud, hoarse whisper* “She thinks I’m gorgeous!”
