(I do all of my shopping at this store. While I’ve never worked here or even at a grocery in general, I know pretty much where everything is. Tonight, I’m in the Asian food section, with a worker next to me looking bewildered at a packet of instant rice noodles.)

Me: “Having trouble?”

Worker #1: “Oh! Eh, heh… yeah. I’m stocking, but I don’t know where this goes…”

(To be fair, the brand has most of its items in this aisle.)

Me: “Oh, well, I’m pretty sure those are actually in the gluten-free section, near the bread. It’s a little weird since they’re an Asian food, but they are gluten-free, too.”

Worker #1: “Really? You think?”

(Another worker walks by.)

Worker #1: “Hey, [Worker #2]! Where does this go?”

Worker #2: “It should go right there!”

(She comes over to look and is immediately confused by the absence of this product in this aisle.)

Worker #2: “Huh… but there’s a ton of stuff from this brand here.”

Me: “As I said, I’m pretty sure it’s in with the gluten-free stuff. But good luck!”

(I move on in my shopping, but on my way out of the store, [Worker] #1 spots me again.)

Worker #1: “Hey! It was in the gluten-free stuff! You were RIGHT!”

This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

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(I’m a cashier, but after closing everyone present is expected to help out in the fitting rooms and on the floor once their personal duties are done. Having heard that the men’s dressing rooms need help I head over there. What I had heard was an understatement: every single room is in a state of disarray, and the re-shelving area is even worse.)

Me: “Is this why men don’t like going clothes shopping?”

Every Man In The Room: “Yes.”

(About twice a week, I go to a burger place during my lunch break. The burgers are expensive, but worth it because they have gorgeous, fresh, unusual ingredients. Instead of ordering those ingredients separately, you choose from burgers with pre-set combinations of toppings. I order one of my usuals.)

Me: “Hi, can I have [Burger], but with no onions, and with [substitute sauce] instead of the regular sauce? I know it has onions in it and I’m allergic.”

Clerk: “No problem!”

(I sit down to wait for my order, and the owner comes up to chat with me. After a bit of small talk, he seems to get to his point.)

Owner: “I notice you always order everything without onions. What exactly would happen to you if you ate them?”

Me: “Well, I get a lot of intestinal distress. Stomach pains, horrible nausea, things like that. So I guess it’s more of an intolerance, really. I just say ‘allergy’ because it’s easier to get my point across. Even a little bit of onion can make for a really bad day.”

Owner: “Oh, so it’s not like you’re going to stop breathing or anything. It’s not life-threatening.”

Me: “Well, no, but it can be extremely painful and uncomfortable. And the problem could get so bad that I’d have to go home from work, and I really can’t afford to do that.”

Owner: “Gotcha. Well, let me go check on your order.”

(When my order is up I head back to work to eat it. When I open the bag, my order has onions on it and no substitutions for the sauce. I know it’s easy to make mistakes so I’m not angry, but I do call the restaurant since I don’t have enough time left in my break to go back.)

Owner: “My cooks must have made a mistake. It’s not that much of a problem though, is it? You said it’s not life-threatening. You can still eat it.”

Me: “I just wanted to call it to your attention so that you can let your staff know to be more careful. I know mistakes happen, I’m just letting you know. With allergies and intolerances, it’s important. And actually, I can’t eat it. I can’t risk getting sick.”

Owner: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. We can’t be making you special orders all the time because you’re afraid of getting a little gassy. It’s a waste of our time.”

Me: “I see. Well, no worries, then. I won’t be ordering anything at all from now on.”

This story is part of our Food Allergies roundup!

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(I order a pizza. The gentleman who delivers it shows up at my door in a suit and tie, strangely enough. It gets weirder. While I write his tip on the receipt, he asks:)

Delivery Guy: “While I’m here, mind if I tell a joke?”

Me: “As long as it’s a good one!”

Delivery Guy: “Okay, here goes. Who’s a better detective, Batman or Sherlock Holmes?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Delivery Guy: “Batman, because Sherlock Holmes is fictional.”

(I sputtered my perplexity briefly before thanking him and going back into my apartment. Did Bruce Wayne deliver me a pizza or is there something I’m missing?)

(I am at home in bed, having had a rough week that included my grandmother passing away, as well as her wake and funeral. To make things easier on me, my boyfriend wakes up early to do our grocery shopping. He grabs a bouquet of my favorite flowers to cheer me up.)

Teenage Cashier: *laughing* “Uh oh! Looks like someone’s in trouble! What’d you do?”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s nothing like that.”

Teenage Cashier: “Aw, come on, man! It can’t be that bad!”

Boyfriend: “Actually, my girlfriend’s grandmother passed away. She had a hard weekend so I wanted to cheer her up.”

Teenage Cashier: *speechless* “I… Uh. I am so… Oh, my god.”

(The cashier turns around and calls a manager over.)

Teenage Cashier: *whispering to manager* “I need you to take these flowers off. We need to comp them.”

Manager: “But—”

Boyfriend: “It’s really okay…”

Teenage Cashier: “We just need to.”

(The manager takes the flowers off my boyfriend’s bill and leaves. The young cashier finishes the rest of the transaction solemnly.)

Teenage Cashier: “Really, I am SO sorry.”

Boyfriend: “Thank you, but no apology necessary. It’s really fine.”

(He told me all about it when he got home, and I got a good laugh about it. I think the worst part is, now the cashier will be too scared to ever tell that joke again!)