I Can See Nu-clearly Now

| Working | June 5, 2012

(I am walking out of a discount retail store and overhear a conversation between a customer and an employee.)

Customer: “I go to Mexico to get all my prescriptions.”

Employee: “I go to Mexico to avoid radiation.”

Customer: “What?”

Employee: “Yeah, all the nookyooler reactors are in the northern hemisphere, so I go down there.”

(At this point, I can’t help but speak up.)

Me: “You know, Mexico is in the northern hemisphere.”

Employee: “Really? It is?”

Me: “Yes. You have to go all the way down to like Ecuador to get to the southern hemisphere.”

Employee: “Well, I guess I have radiation poisoning then!”

Customer: “I just go there to get prescriptions…”

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It’s Breast Not To Be So A-Pair-rent

| Working | June 5, 2012

(In the 70s, my mother worked in the business office of a company that handled food supply. One of the superiors had a habit of speaking to women but looking only at their chests. She has a meeting with him in his office one day.)

Manager: *staring at my mother’s chest* “Do you have the reports I asked you to type up?”

My Mother: “Yes, Sir.”

(She hands him the papers. Throughout reading them, he looks up to comment, though his eyes never go far up.)

Manager: “Well, it seems we have everything here, [my mother’s name]. Good job. Let’s put this back in the folder and I can send it to—”

(He pauses as he looks up. My mother has written on the manila folder, “MY EYES ARE UP HERE” with an arrow pointing at her face and has it held up right over her chest. Her manager turned beet red and would never speak to her directly again!)

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| Working | June 5, 2012

(I’ve recently purchased a new living room set. Since I have three young, active boys and four cats, I decide to purchase the protection plan. In addition, I also purchase the upgrade titled “Accidental Damage Coverage”. Sure enough, about 6 weeks later, one of the boys tears the back of the recliner and I call the customer service line.)

Me: “I purchased a recliner 6 weeks ago and purchased the accidental damage protection plan. There’s a rip in the back, and I’d like to make a claim.”

Employee: “Okay, I have your account pulled up. How did the damage occur?”

Me: “My boys were rough-housing in the living room and tore the fabric on the back of the chair.”

Employee: “I see. Unfortunately, since the damage was the result of an accident, and not a manufacturing defect, the plan does not cover repair or replacement.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. What was the point of selling an accidental damage plan if it won’t cover accidental damage?”

Employee: “I do apologize, but the accidental damage plan does not cover accidental damage.”

Me: “Did you really just say that with a straight face?!”

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The Rule Of Thumb

| Working | June 4, 2012

(I have just been promoted to a shift leader. I receive a manager’s code, which is through our thumbprints. This conversation follows in front of a dining area full of customers.)

Me: “Hey [coworker], guess what?!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I got a thumbprint!”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, I can give discounts and void stuff now!” *giggle*

Coworker: “Don’t let the power go to your head.”

Me: *complete with hand motions* “Muahahaha! Muahahahaha!”

Customers: *giving me strange looks*

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With Great Power Comes Great Stupidity

| Working | June 4, 2012

(We’d been having bad weather in Indiana, including tornadoes. Several of my coworkers and I are in the lounge talking about it. One coworker isn’t the brightest crayon in the box.)

Coworker #1: “One family lost their house in the storms.”

Me: “That would suck. I know several lost electricity or a while, but at least their houses are still standing. I’d rather lose the electricity than the entire house.”

Coworker #2: “Not me. I’d rather have electricity!”

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