We Hope He Gets Some Sleep REALLY Soon
I’m visiting the doctor for my yearly checkup. The nurse, a young man, goes through the regular questions. They go in a somewhat unexpected direction.
Nurse: “Do you exercise?”
Me: “Yes.”
Nurse: “How often?”
Me: “Three times a week.”
Nurse: “For how long?”
Me: “One hour each.”
Nurse: “Do you drink?”
Me: “Alcohol?”
Nurse: “Yes.”
Me: “No.”
Nurse: “Smoke?”
Me: “No.”
Nurse: “Smoke things other than cigarettes?”
Me: “Only briskets.”
Nurse: “Is that a drug, or…?”
Me: “It’s meat.”
I see the confused look on his face
Me: “Beef.”
He looks more confused.
Me: “Cow.”
Nurse: “Are those slang, or…?”
Me: “No. It’s not a drug.”
Nurse: “And you smoke it by… lighting them on fire and sucking on the smoke?”
Me: “No. In my smoker.”
Nurse: “Um…”
Me: “My grill.”
Nurse: “Is that like a bong?”
Me: “No it’s a device for cooking.”
Nurse: “Cooking… drugs?”
Me: “No. Cooking food. Like an oven, only it’s out in your yard and you heat it up with charcoal instead of gas. Well, unless it’s a gas grill.”
Nurse: “Laughing gas? And is charcoal another word for… coke?”
Me: “I feel like this conversation isn’t quite going correctly. Can we forget this whole digression, and I can answer the question again?”
Nurse: “Okay…”
Me: “I do not do any drugs that are not prescribed to me.”
Nurse: “You have a prescription drug habit? Like, what, OxyContin? Adderall?”
Me: “I… Look. I don’t think we’re communicating well. Can I get another nurse?”
He leaves, and then I wait in the room for a while. After a bit, someone shows up with a clipboard. He checks the notes.
Nurse #2: “It says here you have… a drug habit? Are you looking to go into rehab?”
Me: “No.”
Nurse #2: “You really should. Doing drugs isn’t just bad for you; it—”
Me: “I don’t have a drug habit. I don’t do any drugs. The nurse misunderstood my attempt to make a joke, and my follow-up attempts to explain it just made him more confused.”
Nurse #2: “What was the joke?”
Me: “He asked if I smoked anything other than cigarettes, and I said I smoked brisket.”
Nurse #2: *Laughing* “That’s a pretty funny joke.”
Me: “Thanks! I thought it was, too!”
Nurse #2: “Buuut you should probably refrain from joking with medical personnel. Some of us are only running on a couple of hours of sleep, and it can make us a bit, uhhh…”
He struggles for a bit to find the word he is looking for.
Me: “Yeah. I think I’ve learned my lesson.”
And I have never again joked with medical personnel.
Question of the Week
Have you ever served a bad customer who got what they deserved?
