(My boss is a 58 year old woman who hasn’t made the best life choices and acts like a spoiled teenager about it. I work for a small start-up company with mainly twenty-something so unfortunately my boss is also the equivalent HR and she is an absolute HR nightmare. Here are her top five suable offenses.)

(Anytime, I am twenty-something female get sick in any way:)

Her: Are you pregnant? You can’t get pregnant, that is inconvient for me right now so you can’t get pregnant.

(Anytime we get a new male intern who could be her son:)

Her: He is kind hawt, don’t you think? Isn’t he hot? He looks really sexy in those pants.

(The one time a twenty-one year old intern had a tent in his pants:)

Her: Did you see his boner? He was getting an erection from what he was hearing. We killed it!

(No. I was too busy giving a presentation to notice a kid’s crotch region, crazy lady!)

(Her in regards to two employees who are best friends but male and female:)

Her: [Male Coworker] and [Female Coworker] are dating! [Female Coworker] got flustered when I asked her about it. Can you believe she was hiding it from us? Like we need to know about it! What if they create drama?

(Female Coworker is queer, btw and out to all but Boss for obvious reasons.)

(About an employee she doesn’t like medical history:)

Her: I am not supposed to tell you this, but… he has [Chronic Disease] so his poor wife has to drive him into work. How sad is that? She is so cute and he is so… Ugh. He must have a lot of money. He is probably faking it anyway. Because I wouldn’t want to be with him. *continues on the same vein of flipping between calling him a faker and his wife a gold digger*

(Boss Lady has also made disparging remarks about Musilms, Asians in general, LGBTQ+ community, and homeless/mentally ill people. It goes without saying she has been fired from other jobs in the past and blames everyone but herself. Unfortunately, the CEO is a big wig in the industry so working for him for 3 years opens any door, so a lot of us put up with it just to work anywhere. I am looking for a new job now.)

I work in an office where the nature of the work necessitates all access pass through security. The security contract is handled by a government owned business which hires veterans , ex cops and rarely persons who have taken a security guard course for front desk duties.

I usually have lunch with some of the staff in the open courtyard including some security. We have been having a spate of disruptive activists protesting climate change do progressively bizarre stunts in the city. As we are sitting there, two boys run up with a can of what looks like putty in their hands yelling “Extinction…” and the next thing I see is the 60 year old navy MP veteran body checking them and another diving on top of the suspect canister which turns out to be some kind of graffiti device.

My wife and I were driving home after visiting the grandkids. We made a quick stop to get coffee. Back on the road, my wife noticed my coffee cup rocking back and forth in the cup holder.
WIFE: “Why are you wobbling? Have you got a round bottom?”
ME: “Yes, but my pretty face makes up for it.”

I get a spam risk call and decided to have a little fun.

Me: HEWWO???

Scammer: Hello yes I need to talk to you about your car insurance-

Me: OH NOES! MY CAW???

Scammer: *Hangs up*

They walk among us…
Saw a woman, she had to sneeze. SO. She pulled her mask away from her face, put her hand over her nose, and sneezed. Removed hand, replaced mask. Continued shopping.
Sigh…..