(I’m with my toddler aged nephew.)

Nephew: “a bee stung me yesterday”

Me: “aww that sucks, where’d he sting you?”

Nephew: *points to the front yard* “over there!”

(Not what I meant buddy)

One of my professors (also a coach) found an easy way to help the jocks pass his class.

All tests in his class were multiple choice. Some questions were missing the correct answer; just had a blank space where the answer should be.

Even the dumbest jocks (one was reading at the third grade level) knew to select the missing answer. Doing that guaranteed a passing grade.

We could never report it because the professor had the biggest jocks collect the exams. They even got physical with a student who tried to keep hers.

Big fail – the jocks learned nothing, the college was letting them participate in sports without proper qualifications, and the rest of us lost all respect for the Prof and the powers that be

I’m on the freshman girls basketball team with a handful of other girls. There are 14 of us, and two male coaches. Of the girls, one is *really* nerdy and a geek; she’s in honors algebra II as a freshman (junior level math). Another girl is the daughter of the HAII teacher, and is not as geeky but has her moments. There’s a handful of other accelerated students on the team, and they often get caught up in complaining about homework or work before practice. I hear this on the bus to a game. (I’m referring to them by jersey numbers: 33 is the nerdy girl, 22 is the math teacher’s daughter, 11 is another accelerated student)
11: So what did you get on the history test? I got an 88.
22: 90%, I think. It raised my grade like three percent. [33]?
33: 89. Brought my grade down to an A-, and I’m unhappy with myself. [string of Klingon that she says translates to “I am a petaQ” though she refused to say what a petaQ was]. Anyways, I have to finish this homework.
(33 speaks a fair bit of Klingon, though she and 11 are in Spanish 1)
22: That math teacher, huh? Always assigning extra homework.
33: I like the class, it’s fun.
11: Doesn’t your mother teach her math class, [22]?
22: What a coincidence.

(33 later admitted to be crushing really hard on 22 at the time.)

I work front desk at a veterinarian’s, and I messed up because I assumed someone else messed up. We use an answering service so when the office is closed people can talk to a real person instead of an answering machine. Every morning we come in and there is an email from the answering service with who called the night before, what they were calling about and what number to call them back at.

My office also has a client with an unusual last name for our area, maybe not in parts of Europe, but I’ve never met anyone else with a name even close. It is however spelled exactly how it is pronounced and for the sake of the story lets say it starts with the syllable “ma” as in magic.

Before leaving one day the doctor has me call Mr. M regarding the lab results for his pet, I leave a message on Mr. M’s voice mail asking for him to call us back to talk about the results.

The next morning I open the answering service email and see a message from someone, reason “returning your call” and name Mr. M, except with a N instead of an M. Now Mr. M does have a bit of an accent and my first thought was the answering service misheard him or typo or something. All the rest of the letters were right.

So I called the number, a man with an accent answered.

Me: Hello, this is [me] from [clinic], returning your call about our call.

Him: Oh yes

Me: So the doctor wanted to let you know that [pet] has [easily treated issue that doesn’t really matter for the story]

Him: Wait wait, I think you have the wrong person, I called two days ago and left a message asking for an appointment, I missed the call yesterday so I call back.

Turns out Mr. N and Mr. M are from the same country.

My husband and I were searching for regular babysitters for our children – 7 year old fraternal opposite gender twins and 3 year old daughter, that would pick them up after school and preschool until we come home from work. We had had several misses so far, mostly due to not getting along with the children or minor stuff. Outside of the babysitter in this story, the oddest one we had to deal with was a kindly elderly Chinese woman who spoke very little English, couldn’t drive, lived with her son and grandchildren who were about our kids age, and whose husband had made a lot of money in real estate before he died making us wonder why she wanted a job she obviously wasn’t qualified for or needed. and couldn’t drive.
This new babysitter seemed promising, so she was at our house to meet the kids. She was asking them questions while they showed off their toys. She was very polite and well mannered and soft spoken, and the kids seemed to like her. She was asking mostly boring questions, and she seemed quite amused that the twins acted a lot like identical twins (best friends, finishing each-others sentences, pulling pranks, looking similar but dressing very dissimilarly, etc.) despite being opposite gender fraternal twins. She asked the very generic (and boring) question of my son, “What would you like to do when you grow up?”.
My son responded enthusiastically with “Doctor!”
The woman suddenly flipped out and started yelling. “No! Don’t ever be a doctor! Medicines a scam. You know what they do at hospitals? They don’t want to save you! They just want your money! We had better medical services in the 1500s than we do today! Doctors are all evil, looking to – wait – why are you crying? What are you, some sort of pansy?”
His twin sister looked up at him and said very icily “His friend’s been going to the hospital a lot recently. Because he has cancer.”
Any saner person by now might realize that this might be a good time to leave, but this woman is not saner (in fact, it is quite impossible to be saner than oneself. I have tried and failed on numerous occasions).
“Cancer, huh? Thats another thing I -”
My husband had gone around and hugged my son and was comforting him. He interrupted her now.
“I do believe, my friend, that you have said enough.” He had a huge smile on his face, but when he spoke his voice was quiet, calm, and cold. “I think, perhaps it might be time you leave my house?”
The woman stood there silently. My husband turned to our older daughter. “[Daughter], would you kindly show this ‘lady’ the door?”
My daughter very roughly showed her the exit, and my husband and I rewarded her and everyone else with cake for having to go through that whole ordeal. (My son’s friend is doing better now, his cancer went into remission a few months after this happened.)