(I work at a small independent theater with a name very close to a national chain. The customer I am helping has been quite pleasant so far. He is also African-American.)

Me: All right sir, that will be (amount).

Customer: Ok, I have this gift card I’d like to use. (Hands me a card from the chain.)

Me: Oh, I’m sorry, this is actually from (competitor).

Customer: So?

Me: We’re not affiliated with them. I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this.

Customer: YOU F***ING B****!!! I WANT TO USE MY GIFT CARD!! I’M THE CUSTOMER, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY!!

Me: Sir, there’s no possible way that I can make our system accept-

Customer: IT’S BECAUSE I’M BLACK, ISN’T IT?

Me: Not at-

Customer: WELL F*** YOU TOO B****!!

(He then throws the gift card in my face and storms out, shouting profanities about how it’s “because I’m black.)

(this happens at the end of the period)

Trumpet 1: Thanks for all the jazz help, man.

Trumpet 2: No problem, but it’ll cost you $40.

Trumpet 1: Okay, I’ll just sell my siblings to pay you back.

(Trumpet 2 leaves. A violin player who had also heard the exchange speaks up)

Violinist: [Trumpet 1], you don’t have any siblings.

Trumpet 1: Shh! *pauses and whispers* Yeah, but he doesn’t know that.

(My mother asked me to come along with her as she gets gas, clean her car etc. We stop at a local gas station which has a coffee shop attached to it. She has 90 cents off the gallon due to a local gas point program at a supermarket. I come back to the following conversation)

Mom: I got charged Credit price!

Me: How so?

Mom: I had 90 cents off the gallon, so my gas should’ve been $2.87 not $2.97!

(Gas price for Regular is $3.87 for cash/debit and $3.97 for credit)

Me: Let me see the reciept..

(I read the reciept which shows she paid Debit, meaning the price is correct.)

Me: This is correct.

Mom: No! I should’ve saved $1.00 of the gallon since I paid debit and got the extra 10 cents!

Me: Mom, do the math..you paid debit right?

Mom: Right!

Me: OK so look at the base price for Debit.

(She looks at the board)

Mom: Yeah? I had 90 cents off, but..

Me: But you didn’t pay with Credit. So you get the Debit or Cash price with the 90 cents.

(She thinks about this for a minute.)

Mom: I’m an idiot.

(I told this story to my father later who just quipped: “Your mother and sister have blonde moments all the time I swear.”)

(I’m talking to my friend/coworker during a lull at work. My friend is a bit wild (drinking, late-night partying, unprotected sex). I’m joking about my high alcohol tolerance.)

Me: I’m going to have to spend my whole paycheck just to deal with coming to work to earn my paycheck!

Friend: Haha, you’re officially an alcoholic!

Me: Oh, like you’re one to talk.

Friend: Hey, I haven’t had a drink in over a month!

Me: I would hope not – you’re pregnant!

I started work for a local council, immediately the place seemed like a mess and everyone I spoke to looked fed up.

HR: so we have a system that requires you to log when you get here, and every time you leave your work station.

Me: ..Okay

HR: Not everyone uses it.

Me: Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work. But if it’s your system I will do as asked.

HR: Great! Oh ok can you email me when you start and when you leave for the day, and your lunch breaks?

Me: Sorry?! But won’t I have to register that on the system anyway?

HR: Yes, but not everyone uses it.

Me: Well I have no problem using the system I will log every time I leave my desk and when I start or finish.

HR: Yes but can you also email me?

(I could see this going nowhere, She just couldn’t understand that forcing people to email every day, meant that using their system was pointless. After a few weeks (and the system going down several times) I gave up with it and nobody seemed to care or notice!)