This “Not Always Romantick” Story Will Drive You Bananas!

CONTENT WARNING: Bugs/Insects

This happened about twenty-five years ago, back when I was engaged to the woman who would ultimately become my ex-wife.

I’m not sure where she picked up these parasitic follicle hitchhikers, but she got head lice. Nit at all funny. Still, these things happen.

I checked my hair, and whilst I didn’t think I had any, I still treated my hair with medicated shampoo and a special comb anyway. My fiancée also treated her hair, but her mother had advised against using the specialist shampoos, instead suggesting more natural remedies. 

She advised the use of tea tree oil to kill the lice and banana conditioner to make the hair more slippery to aid in the removal of the lice and eggs.

So, after [Fiancée] dosed her hair up with the gunk, I brandished the comb and got to work. It quickly became apparent that we were in for a long evening. The first comb-through pulled out a lot — as did all the subsequent pulls. I carefully looked through her hair, and as well as a few lice, there were lots and lots of eggs. 

But were they all eggs?

You know that conditioner we used? It turns out they make it by mashing up bananas. And you know what’s inside bananas? Banana seeds. Which are about the same size and shape as lice eggs.

Oh, I didn’t say how long [Fiancée]’s hair was. It was long — reaching the small of her back. And thick. And about the same shade as the eggs I was trying to find. It was clear that this ordeal was far from ova.

All in all, it took about three hours for me to go through [Fiancée]’s hair to remove every trace of lice, egg, and banana seed. (Conversely, it took her about ten minutes to go through my short banana-free hair.)

Afterward, I pleaded with her to never use that treatment again. Fortunately, she agreed, and that method of treatment was scratched.