I’m designing a website for a client.

Client: “You have the wrong image for this product on the website.”

Me: “Sorry. That is the image you gave me, though. Do you have another one you’d like to use instead?”

Client: “Yes, this one.”

Me: “That looks like it’s using CMYK colors — see how it’s all fluorescent? Do you happen to have an RBG version for the web?”

Client: “This is the one we want.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure.”

A few weeks later…

Client: “It looks like you have a CMYK image on this product. Here’s the RGB one. Can you please update it for us?”

They send over the same image I had on the site in the first place.

Me: “Sure.”

The best part is that I’d anticipated this possibility and hadn’t deleted the old photo from the website. I just restored it.

After I spent three months working on a new website for a financial planning company, they were required to submit it to their compliance department for final approval.

Every time I made their tiny revisions, the department would tell me that I didn’t make the changes and they weren’t live on the test server. I told them to clear their cookies and try again since they were probably seeing a cached version of the website. Finally, they asked me this:

Client: “Is it possible to print out your website, including all links and dropdowns, such as the bios?”

Me: “You’re asking if I can print out an entire website worth of pages, including a different sheet for each version of the ‘About Us’ page with each team member’s bio?”

Client: “Is it possible?”

Me: “Nope.”

Several years ago, I was working with a small business owner in his forties who wanted a website. He’d been sending me group pictures of his office managers, but they were poor-quality images, with bad lighting, taken at an angle, and using the lowest image quality setting his cell phone offered. Essentially, they were the worst possible images he could give me for what he had in mind.

Client: “I don’t like the way those look. I look orange. Fix them.”

Me: “Yeah, the skin tones are a little off. I think it’s because of the lighting in the room you took the photos in. I have already color-corrected them to the best of my ability, and there’s not much else I can do since these were taken with your phone in poor lighting.”

Client: “Well, my skin doesn’t look that way in real life. And the image is blurry!”

Me: “Is there a way you can have the photos redone? Maybe with a better-quality camera?  That would solve a lot of these problems.”

Client: “My phone is the newest iPhone they make!”

Me: “Well, I would recommend either increasing the photo resolution settings or maybe just seeing if you could borrow someone’s digital camera if you don’t know how to change the settings on your phone.”

Client: “Digital… camera?”

Me: “Yeah, you know — it’s a camera that stores photos on a memory card?”

Client: “You mean like an iPhone 4?”

Me: “No. A camera. A digital camera. Like the old cameras that use film, but this one uses a memory card? Do you know anyone who has one?”

Client: “Well, I know someone who has an iPhone I could borrow…”

Me: “Okay, but if he doesn’t know how to change his camera settings, either, taking another photo at the lowest resolution isn’t going to help much.”

Client: “I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU WANT ME TO TAKE PICTURES WITHOUT A PHONE!”

A client tells me that the editor he uses to make changes to the website isn’t working, so I suggest that he download the newest version of Firefox.

Client: “I got your email saying the editor was working fine for you, but I still can’t seem to make changes.”

Me: “You downloaded Firefox, right?”

Client: “Yes, but it didn’t work.”

Me: “And after you downloaded Firefox, you tried logging in using that browser, correct?”

Client: “Wait, I actually had to use it? I thought I just had to download it! Let me call you back.”

Client: “We have decided we want to call our new website ‘[Company] dot com’.”

Me: “Unfortunately, ‘[Company] dot com’ is already registered and in use. However, ‘[Company] dot net’ is available. That’s probably the best option unless you choose another name.”

Client: “Ah. Yeah, I don’t like the ‘dot net’ so much. I think I’ll just stick with the ‘dot com’.”

Me: “Sorry, I think you must have misunderstood. The ‘dot com’ is already owned by someone else. You need to pick another name.”

Client: “Thanks for the advice. We’ve decided we don’t like the ‘dot net’, so we’ll just go for the ‘dot com’ as originally planned. If you can register that for us ASAP and let us know once it’s done, that’d be great.”