While I’m working in my video rental store around 2011, a woman comes up to rent a liberal-leaning movie. In an attempt to make small talk, I mention that I’m not that into politics, but I really enjoy watching Rachel Maddow’s show on MSNBC.

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “She’s a liberal newscaster.”

Customer: “Oh…well, I’d have to watch two hours of Fox just to make up for watching that! I don’t want to get unbalanced!”

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. This is [My Name].”

Caller #1: “How much is it to rent a movie?”

Me: “It all depends. Which one were you thinking of?”

Caller #1: “Insidious.”

Me: “That’d be $3.96. That’s with tax.”

Caller #1: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

(About thirty seconds pass before the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. This is [My Name].”

Caller #2: “How much is it to rent Insidious?”

Me: “That’s gonna be $3.96, with tax.”

Caller #2: “Okay, how much is that?”

Me: “That’s the price. $3.96.”

(There’s about ten seconds of silence before I ask if anyone’s there. I hang up after no response. Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. This is [My Name].”

Caller #3: “Hey, how much is it to rent Insidious with tax?”

Me: “$3.96.”

Caller #3: “Okay, thanks. We’ll be right in!”

Me: *confused*

(I am talking to an older customer. This is a few years ago.)

Customer: “How many Harry Potter movies are out?”

Me: “They just came out with the fourth one. I can’t wait for the next book though.”

Customer: “Oh. Won’t the movie industry be mad that they are making the book before the movie? It will spoil everything.”

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Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”

Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”

Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”

Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”

Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”

Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”

Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”

Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”

Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*

(A customer approaches the counter with a very thick accent.)

Customer: “Do you have the herpes?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Do you have the herpes? For the kids?”

Me: “I… uh…”

Customer: “You know? The herpes? Beep beep? Lindsay Lohan?”

Me: “Oh! Yes! We have Herbie Fully Loaded with Lindsay Lohan. It’s rented out. Can I call you when it’s returned?”

Customer: “You call me when you have the Herpes, yes!”

(The movie is eventually returned. I call the customer to let him know. His wife answers.)

Me: “Hi, this is the movie you reserved was just returned.”

Caller: “Oh! The Herpes! I send my husband. The kids so happy!”

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