(I used to work for a manager who was such a complete jerk that everyone tried avoiding conversations with him. This happens late at night just before closing. Keep in mind I am a twenty-year-old female and the only other employee in the store.)

Manager: “Have you seen that new show Spartacus?!”

Me: “Nope, never got around to it.”

Manager: “You should really take the time to see it. It’s great.”

Me: “Okay, maybe I will sometime.”

Manager: “Unless seeing naked women makes you uncomfortable…”

Me: “What?!”

Manager: “There are so many naked women in there… even guys!”

Me: “Right. Nice.”

Manager: “There’s just so much sex in it—”

Me: “Alrighty then.”

Manager: “Really detailed—”

Me: “Okie dokie.”

Manager: “I saw this one guy who just whipped it out!”

Me: “Are… you trying to relate to me, or are you purposely trying to creep me out?”

Manager: *face turns red*

(I work at a video rental store and near our check out we have the boxed set of Star Wars on Blu-ray.)

Customer: “Oh my God, Star Wars on Blu-ray! I love this movie so much!  I like how in the new ones, they put in the new Anakin Skywalker in the scene with the Jabberwockys on Earth!”

Me: “…you mean Ewoks on Endor?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, that’s what they’re called…”

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(A couple, about mid-30s, comes up to the counter. The man has an account, but no card or ID on him. Her name is apparently on the account, though. Asking for his name, I pull up his account. As she’s fishing in her purse for ID, I look at his account. There are two women’s names on the account.)

Me: “Ah, so you must be [First Female’s First Name]?”

(Suddenly, the wife fires off a hateful look at her husband.)

Wife: *to husband* “I thought you took your ex-wife’s name off the account!”

Me: “Oh geez, I’m sorry. He probably just added you, not realizing her name was still on there. You must be [Second Female’s First Name].”

(She gives me an ice-cold stare.)

Wife: “NO, I’M NOT!” *storms out*

Him: “Well, guess these are for me, then.” *rents the movies and leaves, blushing redder than an apple*

(A customer comes to the counter with the video box for “Gandhi”.)

Customer: “Have you seen this?”

Me: “Yes. It’s a good movie.”

Customer: “What’s it about?”

Me: “It’s about the peace activist Mahatma Gandhi.”

Customer: *excited* “So there’s lots of shooting and stuff? *gestures like he’s firing a machine gun*

Me: “No, not really.”

Customer:*disappointed* “Oh, well… I’ll get it anyway.”

(I work at a movie rental store. One night, a strange man comes into my store and asks me a question.)

Customer: *without making eye contact* “Do you guys have batteries?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but we don’t have batteries.”

Customer: “Are you sure? ‘Cause… uh… I was sure you guys had batteries.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure we don’t have batteries.”

Customer: “I could have sworn you guys carried batteries.”

Me: “No batteries, sorry.”

(For five minutes, he keeps asking me if I was sure that we didn’t carry batteries. He eventually leaves. A friend of mine who works at the store next to mine comes in about a half-hour later.)

Friend: “I just had the strangest conversation. Some guy came into my store, and kept asking us if we sold–”

Me: “Batteries?”

Friend: “Yeah! How did you know?”