(I am the boss of a plumbing business and deal with a lot of idiots who try and park in my area and going to different stores. There are signs up everywhere that say that this area is only for customers. A woman parks her car in my area and walks across to another store. It is about an hour away from closing.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss, but you can not park here. This area is only reserved for the customers of this business.”

Woman: *angrily* “Well, I was just going to go next door so I don’t see why I have to move. Besides, I don’t see anything that says I can’t!” *walks away*

Me: *catching up indicating to all the signs* “Miss, look there are signs everywhere that say if you are not a customer, you are not allowed to park here. There are plenty of parking spaces at the shop you are going to. Move your car or I will call the towing company.”

Woman: *snottily* “You wouldn’t do that; otherwise I will sue you!” *walks away*

(I decide to just leave it and begin to pack up to leave. I wait for an hour and she still hasn’t come out. Getting impatient, I call the police asking them what to do.)

Me: “Hello, I am calling because there is this woman who has parked her car in my businesses parking area although there are signs clearly indicating the area is only for customers. We closed an hour ago and she still hasn’t come. What should I do?”

Officer: “Well, if she hasn’t come and it is after closing, then just leave her car in there and she can wait until tomorrow to pick it up. Also if you give me her registration we can give a fine for breaking the law.”

Me: “Okay, the registration number is [number]. Okay thanks.”

(I then proceed to close up the store completely, closing the gate and locking it, and also leaving a message to the lady:)

My Letter: “Hello, as you have been so rude and have ignored my warnings of not moving your car, I have locked it up and you can wait until tomorrow morning. Also be ready to receive a fine in the mail. Regards: The owner.”

(The next morning the lady had climbed the fence and was trying to ram down the gate with her car. Not only did her car get damaged, she got arrested and received a fine for breaking property.)

(I work part time at my dad’s plumbing company, which bears our last name, doing basic office work, and learning about running a business. I’m filling out a work order for an older customer’s rental home. We live in an area with a lot of German heritage.)

Me: “And can I have your address?”

Customer: “It’s seventy-seven [Street Name].”

(I write the address down and, per usual, cross my sevens.)

Customer: “Look at your sevens. That’s a very German way of writing.”

Me: “Well, you know, as you can tell from my very German last name, we’ve got a lot of German blood.”

Customer: *leaning in and glaring* “That’s how they found the Nazis you know. They made them write stuff down and look at their sevens.”

(The customer is now quite close to my face and glaring at me.)

Me: “You don’t say…” *slowly backing up behind the service counter* “Well, I think I got everything here…”

Customer: *suddenly very chipper* “That’s great! Hope to see you soon!”

Dad: *apparently overhearing everything* “Did that guy just call us Nazis?!”

(I work for a small town plumber answering his phones and scheduling his jobs.)

Me: “Good morning. This is [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am calling to get [Boss] out here right away. My toilet is over-flowing and I need him out here, now.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you. Can I please have your name?”

Customer: *gives me her name*

Me: “And I will need the address of where we are to go.”

Customer: “I am a repeat customer. You should already have my address. Now look it up and be quick about it.”

Me: “All right. I am checking our database; however, I do not see you in here. I will be happy to get your information right now so that we can schedule a time to come out.”

Customer: “What? I am not in there?! What kind of a company doesn’t keep customer records? You find me now, and stop being lazy.  Your boss would never delete me. I am a very important customer to him.”

Me: “I am sorry. I did not say you were deleted. Perhaps the previous person never entered you into the system but I will be happy to do that for you now.”

Customer: “Look. I want [Boss] out to my house, now!

(The customer reluctantly gives me her physical address.)

Customer: “Apparently you don’t know who I am. What is your name?”

Me: “My name is [My Name].  I am checking our schedule and I can have one of our technicians come out to take care of you this afternoon. Will 1 pm be convenient for you?”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about, 1pm? No, that is not convenient for me. I want [Boss] here now to clean this s*** up, and don’t send anyone but him.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, but he is on another job out of the area at the moment. The soonest I could have a technician to your place would be in about an hour but I will have to pull him off another job. I can send [Technician] to take care of you then. Would that be all right with you?”

Customer: “Absolutely not. Now, you get on the phone and get your boss out here to clean this s*** up. I want my appointment with him. You put me on your calendar with him and stop arguing with me. Don’t you know that the customer is always right?  You should be grateful for the business I am giving you.”

Me: “I am sorry, but my boss is unavailable today. Are you sure that you would not reconsider one of our other technicians? They are all very well qualified to do their jobs as plumbers.”

Customer: “I do not deal with anyone but [Boss]. He is the only one that is allowed near my toilet. It is my toilet and if I want him to come clean up this s***ty mess then you are to find him and get him over here. I am a paying customer and I will not take no for an answer. You are giving me very bad customer service. I want this s*** cleaned up and I want it done now. If you do not get your boss over here, I will go on [Review Site] and destroy his perfect record.”

Me: “I am very sorry that [Boss] is not available right now. I will call him and have him call you. In the meantime if you change your mind and would like to have one of our other technicians come out please call me back and I will schedule it right away. Is there anything else I can do for you to help you out today?”

Customer: *huffs* “You do that and make it snappy. I don’t have all day to wait around for you, you ungrateful little b****!” *hangs up*

(When I told my boss about her, he said that she was rich and had lots of rich friends, and he wanted their business, so I should have tried harder to make her happy!)

(This is in the middle of a storm that knocked out the power of over a million people.)

Me: “[Company] plumbing and heating. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my hot water heater is broken.”

Me: “Okay, is it gas, oil, or electric?”

Customer: “Electric.”

Me: “All right. Because of the storm, I won’t be able to get there until tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have any lights and now I won’t get any hot water, either?”

Me: “I’m sorry. What do you mean you don’t have any lights?”

Customer: “My power’s out. Now you expect me to go without hot water too?”

Me: “If your water heater is electric, it isn’t broken. It won’t work if your power’s out.”

Customer: “So, fix it!”

Me: “I’m a plumber, not an electrician.”

Customer: “So, give me another type of heater!”

Me: “Do you have a natural gas line or oil tank I could connect it to?”

Customer: “No, I have electric.”

Me: “If you don’t have oil or gas, what am I supposed to hook the new heater up to?”

Customer: “I don’t know! You’re the plumber. You figure it out!”

CONTENT WARNING: Revolting

(I work as a plumber for a five-star hotel. One day, I get a call from a guest with a clogged toilet.)

Me: “Ah, okay… there’s probably a bunch of hair clogged deep down in these pipes.”

Customer: “Well, can you get it out?”

Me: “Yep. One sec.”

(As I reach my hand down deep in the pipes with a rooter, I don’t notice the hotel guest turn on the water. It’s separately linked, and the water won’t activate unless flushed.)

Me: “Okay, let me see if I got it…”

(I try to pull up, but my hand gets stuck.)

Customer: “You got it?! Oh, finally! I’m going to test it out, thanks!”

Me: “No, sir, I haven’t linked the pipes back toge–”

(The customer sits down and immediately lets out a thundering fart along with a large dump of diarrhea, simultaneously flushing. My head and the entire floor are soon covered with turd and piss.)

Customer: “Oh, my… Well, I expect THIS to be complimentary!”