(I work in an office with multiple restroom-blocks. One day, one is closed off due to a leak. A plumber comes and I happen to be the one to welcome him as a receptionist. The plumber goes to work, finds the leak, and fixes the leak. He has to change some pipes and comes down hauling the broken pipes.)

Me: “Whoa, that must’ve been one leak!”

Plumber: “Yeah, it was huge! Look at it!”

(He enthusiastically shows me the hole on the pipe, holding it very close to my face. Very close.)

Plumber: “You see this brown thick layer? That’s human poop. This has been accumulating for years!”

(I saw a layer from about an inch thick, and the pipe was still very close to my face. I realise this was not something I wanted to know. I quickly handed the plumber the key to our dumpster to let him dispose of it. When he came back with the key, he proudly stated that he had never seen a layer of poop this thick. The good man was clearly enthusiastic and meant no harm, but I did feel the urge to shower for a day.)

(My family has recently noticed that our water has been turning off often. For the first couple of times, we just write it off as company problems, but soon, we realize there is a problem with our plumbing. We call a plumbing company and they send out a plumber to check our attic. I am only five years old.)

Plumber: “I’ll need to check your attic pipes first, since that’s where it’s most likely to break.”

Dad: “That’ll be fine.”

(My dad shows him the way to the attic and the plumber climbs up and goes in. He stays there for a few minutes, when he suddenly screeches and practically jumps out of the attic.)

Plumber: “A spider bit me! It looked like a widow; I think I need medical help.”

(My mom, being a doctor, always has medicine for certain common things such as headache, stomach pains, and spider bite, so she lets the plumber sit on the sofa as she readies a needle, after calling an ambulance in case he needs further treatment.)

Sister: “Hey, what are you doing?!”

(The plumber has gotten up and picked up my dad’s wallet, which was on the table. He makes a run for the door.)

Dad: “Come back here!”

(My dad easily blocks him and we call the police, who identify him as a wanted thief.)

Me: “What happened? Why are they taking the pipe man away?”

Sister: “Don’t worry, [My Name]; he was a bad man, so they’re taking him to the place for bad men.”

(To this day, I still have no idea how he thought he was going to get away with it when my dad, a bulky man with at least a foot and 60 pounds on him, was standing right next to him.)

(I work at a small family owned plumbing and heating company where the owner sometimes makes special exceptions for people who do a lot of business with us or are close friends to them. I also have exceptional customer service skills when it comes to irate customers. This exchange happens during the winter, when we are the busiest.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Local Plumbing and heating Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You guys installed a furnace for me a couple of months ago, and you still haven’t come back out to finish the work. When can we do that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it may be at least two weeks before we can finish that work due to our high volume of calls for no heat.”

Customer: *now very irate* “That is absolutely unacceptable!! I paid a lot of money for this to be done properly, and it should have been done over a month ago! You need to send [Specific Technician] out right now so he can finish his half-a**ed job!”

Me: “I do apologize for this, sir, but we are very busy with rather important calls, and seeing as the work that needs to be finished isn’t life threatening, we are going to have to schedule you two-to-three weeks down the road.”

Customer: “I’m going to call the owner right now and complain to him about your incompetence and lack of customer service skills!”

(He hangs up. I continue on with my work, as now it has piled up quite a bit while I was on the phone with him. He calls back again, and I answer his call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Local Plumbing and Heating Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “It’s me again. I talked to your boss. I’m calling you back to apologize for how I treated you. I’ve been having a rough time with things lately and it was wrong of me to take it out on you like that. I also told your boss that you’re a huge asset to the company and if anything, he should give you a raise for not losing your cool with me when you should have.”

(Sir, I don’t know where you are now, but I wish I had time to tell you how much saying that meant to me. Even with my good customer service skills, I rarely receive compliments about it and that truly made my day!)

(There is a plumbing company in Maryland that shares the same company name as the one I work for in Scottsdale, Arizona. Due to the same name we occasionally get calls for them. I receive one such call from an restaurant in Westminster, MD.)

Her: “Hello. I work for [Restaurant] in Westminster, and we need a plumber.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are in Scottsdale, Arizona. Not Maryland. We are about 2000 miles away from you.”

Her: “So, can you come out this afternoon?”

Me: “I’m sorry; We are 2000 miles away in Arizona. You have the wrong Apple plumbing.”

Her: “Wait, so, you guys can’t help us?”

Me: “Not unless you wish to pay a huge gas bill for us to drive out there and back…”

Her: “So, I guess you can’t be here this afternoon?”

Me: *sighing heavily* “No, not really…”

(My hot water tank is leaking and I call a plumber. He’s in his fifties and his assistant, who might be his son, is a big, burly man in his mid-twenties. The plumber starts examining my tank.)

Plumber: “For how long have you been using this water tank?”

Me: “I’ve been living here for only three years, so it’s been used for more than three years, I guess.”

Assistant: “Awww… what a cute little thing!”

(He kneels and starts cuddling my eight-month-old kitten, which was watching them intently. She purrs and obviously enjoys the contact. I can’t help smiling.)

Me: “Her name’s Toffee!” *I turn to the plumber* “I suppose it’s a wear and tear problem.”

Plumber: “Definitely.”

Assistant: “You’re cute! Oh, you’re so cuuuute!”

Plumber: “I’m afraid we’ll have to replace the whole tank.”

Me: “I see. How much is this going to cost?”

Assistant: “You’re cute!”

Plumber: “I’m going to make you a detailed estimate…”

Assistant: “Cuuute!”

Plumber: “He loves animals.”

Me: “I noticed.”

Plumber: “So, I’ll send you the estimate tomorrow.”

Me: “Thank you very much. Toffee, say goodbye!”

(I nearly said: “say goodbye to your boyfriend.” I would have never guessed that that huge guy would go silly about a kitten!)