(I work at a Specialty Ice Cream stand, which is a rather popular stand. One particular day, a child whom I’ve never seen before comes up to the stand. He can’t be older than 12.)

Child: “Hi, I haven’t gotten my large strawberry yet.”

Me: *knowing I’ve never seen him* “You haven’t ordered a large strawberry.”

Child: “Yes, I have! You just never gave it to me!”

Me: “Okay, how much did you pay for it?”

Child: “I paid…” *checks sign next to the window which has the base price without tax, then states that price to me*

Me: *internally grinning* “Large [Specialty Ice Cream] is [price with tax].”

(The kid’s expression fell as he knew he’d been caught. He walked away without another word. I moved on to the next customer who had seen the whole thing and was grinning as well. We both agreed that it was a rather poor attempt.)

(I go to get a hotdog from a stand. The man puts it in the bun and automatically reaches for the sauces.)

Me: “Oh, no, could I just have it plain, please?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “No ketchup or mustard.”

Employee: “But I don’t know how to make it without them.”

Me: “Just don’t put them on.”

Employee: *spends a while mentally processing this then hands me the hotdog, still looking confused*

(I was waiting in line to get some French fries while at a Renaissance Faire and the guy ahead of me in line is being condescending to the girl taking his order.)

Customer: “Honey, this shouldn’t be taking all day; do the people back there need me to show them how to use a deep fryer?”

Employee: “They’ll be ready soon. They’re constantly making new ones so it doesn’t take too long.”

Customer: “Well, it’s already been taking too long, so what are you going to do about it?”

Employee: “There’s really nothing I can do to speed it up. When they’re done you’ll get them.”

(The customer then walks over to the next counter, grumbling the whole time. I walk up and place my order, which coincidentally I had been waiting to do for as long as the guy had been waiting for his fries. After paying, I went and stood next to the other customer and waited for our orders.)

Customer: “Jesus, can you believe this s***? It shouldn’t take so god-d*** long!”

Employee: “Okay, they’re ready!” *brings out two plates of fries and places them on the counter*

Customer: “Thanks. You gonna put ketchup on ’em for me or do I have to wait another ten minutes for that, too?”

(She sighs because she is so obviously done with dealing with this guy and reaches in front of me, grabs the ketchup bottle, and squirts a bunch on his fries. Then she walks away and takes another customer’s order.)

Customer: *to me* “Christ, did you see the stupid look she gave me? It’s just putting ketchup on some fries. It’s not like it’s rocket surgery or something.”

Me: “Well, it seemed to be too hard for you to understand, so props to her. Hope that rocket surgery goes well for you.”

(I’m training to become an engraver at a mall kiosk. The orientation handbook is very long, in depth and… kind of odd. The best part is:)

Book: “Do not use stairs alone. They may be traps.”

(I work for a cell phone accessory shop inside a mall as the primary repair technician. Appointments are made through a third-party call center, and then an email with details is sent to our store; we don’t interact with a customer until they show up. A woman shows up at our kiosk with a sheet of paper in her hand.)

Customer: “I’m supposed to drop off my husband’s phone to be fixed. He said the place was here in the mall, but I can’t find it.”

(I realize that she believes we were an actual shop and not a kiosk. I check our appointments.)

Me: “We can certainly help you out. We have an appointment scheduled at 12:30 for [Husband]. Is that him?”

Customer: “I’m pretty sure this isn’t the place. He said it was called [Store], by Starbucks.”

(She obviously can’t see Starbucks behind her.)

Me: “Yes, that is us. It’s a little early, but you can still drop off—”

Customer: “No, I’m definitely sure this isn’t the place. Thank you for your help.”

(She leaves, and presumably finds another phone repair shop because she didn’t come back. Four hours pass and a man walks up to the kiosk.)

Man: “Excuse me; I’m here to pick up my phone. My wife dropped it off earlier.”

(I ask for his name, and he tells me. I realize that his wife was the woman from earlier. I inform him what happened. He rolls his eyes in disbelief.)

Man: “That woman couldn’t find water if she fell out of a canoe! I told her exactly where you guys were, and even drew her a map!”

(I had wondered what that paper in her hand was.)