(I am walking through the mall one evening, and as I pass a kiosk set up in the aisle I am approached by a woman trying to sell skin lotion. At the time I am experiencing a severe breakout of cystic acne all along my jaw bone, something that happens to me every three to six months and is only controllable by one product that I already own.)

Woman: “Hello! Would you like a free sample?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Woman: “But it’s really good for your skin! It would help you!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “Look: this product is a very good moisturizer. It is also effective at repairing any sort of damage from sunburns or other scarring. It’s a really great product; would you like to try it?”

Me: “No, I’m really not interested.”

Woman: “But it would help with your acne, and scarring!”

Me: *now fuming, staring at the woman*

Woman: “Yes, with your acne you really should use this product! It has all these wonderful features, such as—”

Me: “Does it have an antibiotic?”

Woman: “Pardon?”

Me: “What is the active ingredient that makes it so effective against acne?”

Woman: “I’m a skincare specialist; I know it works wonders on acne, and—”

Me: “I’m really not interested in trying something that will not work.”

Woman: “Well, what do you use?”

Me: “I use a topical treatment that contains clindamycin.”

Woman: “Contains what?”

Me: “Clindamycin.”

Woman: “I’ve never heard of that. This product is—”

Me: “Yes, I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of clindamycin. You are selling a skincare product; you are not a skincare specialist. I have a prescription for my product from a specialist, and I have no interest in buying your product. Please leave me alone.”

(She kept talking, so I just walked away. I have never worked in sales, but I can tell you that trying to snag a new customer by first telling them they have bad acne, and then trying to tell them you know better than they do how to handle it, is pretty harsh.)

(I have just had a meeting at a coffeehouse inside a mall. I am walking back towards the entrance and am passing a phone accessory kiosk when the following happens.)

Kiosk Employee: *calling out* “Excuse me, miss?”

(I keep walking, assuming it’s a sales pitch. He calls after me again.)

Kiosk Employee: “Miss, you dropped something!”

(This is plausible, as I am rather clumsy and scatterbrained at times, so I stop.)

Me: “Thank you! What did I drop?”

Kiosk Employee: “Well, you didn’t actually drop anything just now, but if you had dropped your phone, wouldn’t you want a good case to protect it?”

Me: “Even if I didn’t already have one, I certainly wouldn’t be buying from you after that stunt!”

(My family and I are on vacation in London. We go to the Great British Beer Festival that happens in August. There’s a little vendor there selling my favorite British candy, wine gums, which I can’t easily buy in the US. I’m fairly certain I have a pretty obvious US accent, having lived there my entire life.)

Me: “I’m so glad I found these here! It’s our last day in London, and I haven’t had any wine gums the whole time!”

Vendor: “You know, we deliver candies all over!”

Me: “All over, really?”

Vendor: “Yeah! We can go anywhere!”

Me: “To the States?”

Vendor: *dejected* “Oh, yeah, I guess not anywhere. I meant within the UK.”

(I was sad, too. I really wanted those wine gums delivered to me!)

(I work in a kiosk in the middle of a mall, and I have stores on both sides of me. I often have customers ask for directions. I am often amused when someone asks me about a store only a few fronts away, but I’m not expecting this one.)

Customer: “Hi! Could you tell me where [Children’s Clothing Store] is?”

(I automatically point to the store front, but words stop short when I realize where I’m pointing.)

Customer: *looks in the direction I’m pointing* “Oh, dear! It’s just a foot behind me, and I just walked by it! I must look like an idiot!”

(My sister and I are window-shopping through our local mall, and we happen to walk past several kiosk salespeople with aggressive tactics. We follow proper shopper protocol: don’t make eye contact, don’t even look at the kiosk for more than two seconds if you don’t want to buy anything, and speed-walk away if noticed. However, this one lady at a hair-care booth sees my well-groomed and naturally curly hair and decides to ignore any body language that says I’m not interested.)

Hair Lady #1: “Hey, you girlies ever straightened your hair?” *judgmentally, and directed right at me* “I know you haven’t!”

(I have to restrain my sister from decking her on the spot! Fortunately, the other, obviously better-trained saleslady pulls her aside.)

Hair Lady #2: “Never, ever, try to shame someone into buying your product! What is wrong with you!?”

(We go to that mall on a regular basis, and [Hair Lady #1] has not been back since that incident. Good riddance.)