A Vacuum Of Sales

, | Working | May 13, 2014

(My husband and I stop at the local mall where we pass a vacuum demonstration at one of the kiosks. We walk by just as the demonstration ends and one of the demonstrators stops us.)

Demonstrator: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “It’s very nice, but we actually don’t need a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “You already have one?”

Me: “Well, we have a stick vacuum, but we don’t have carpeting.”

Demonstrator: “You don’t have floors?!”

Me: “Oh, no. We have hardwood and marble in the bathroom.”

Demonstrator: “So, you don’t have any carpeting?”

Me: “No, just hardwood and marble.”

Demonstrator: “Do you have dirt floors?!”

Me: “No… we have hardwood floors.”

Demonstrator: “… Your floors are made of wood?!”

Husband: “We already have a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “Ooooh, I see. Have a good day!”

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Double Negative

| Working | February 28, 2014

(At the beginning of the holiday season, the way to the store I need to go to is past a notoriously pushy string of kiosk hosts. I walked past these kiosk workers yesterday with my mother, and know that this particular kiosk worker is quite the ‘Casanova.’)

Kiosk Worker: “Would you like to try some of my product? It would be perfect for your mother’s Christmas gift! My mother loves this product!”

Me: *assuming he remembers me* “Sorry. No, thank you.”

Kiosk Worker: “You’ve broken my heart. You are the only woman to ever say no to me!”

Me: “Tis the season, because I said no yesterday, too!”

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Direction Deflection

| Right | April 17, 2013

(I work at a small kiosk in a mall. Due to the booth-like appearance and the lack of any walls, many shoppers like to ask me for directions to other businesses in the mall.)

Shopper: “Hey, where’s the post office?”

Me: “Right behind you; there is a camera store—”

Shopper: “No! I want the post office, not photos!”

Me: “Like I said, there’s a camera store behind y—”

Shopper: “Shut up about the d*** cameras! I need the nearest post office!”

Me: “And if you would just take an extra few seconds to listen to me, I would’ve been able to inform you that there is a postal service desk inside of the camera store.”

Shopper: “Hey, it’s not my fault you weren’t being clear! Also, that’s no way to talk to a paying customer!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am; you haven’t bought anything from me. You’re not a paying customer. Secondly, I am running a business here, not an information booth. I personally think you are a greater target for criticism; you’re lucky I went lightly. Now, unless you plan on buying something; please let me do my real job.”

Customer: “A**-hole!”

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Introducing The iKa-Chunk

, , | Right | July 8, 2009

(A very elderly customer approaches me at my mobile phone kiosk.)

Customer: “Oh, these looks nice. What are you selling?”

Me: “Mobile phones, ma’am. They’ll allow you to keep in touch with people, wherever you are.”

Customer: “Oh, this one looks lovely, nice, and slim! *unfolds it and holds it to her ear* “What’s this one called?”

Me: “That one is called a stapler, ma’am.”

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