Boyfriend: “You know, you have become such a fixture in my life. I honestly can’t picture my life without you in it.”
Me: “Aw, that’s so sweet!”
Boyfriend: “It’s true. You’re like a doorknob.”
Me: “Are you kidding me?”
Boyfriend: “What? Can you honestly imagine your life without doorknobs?”
(A customer comes in around 5:00 and orders a triple shot of espresso. I start to make it for him as he watches me the whole time.)
Me: *handing him cup* “Here you go sir, your triple shot of espresso!”
Customer: “This is a triple shot of espresso?” *looks down at cup*
Me: “Yes, sir, it’s three shots of espresso.”
Customer: “Oh, so what do I put in it?”
Me: *slightly confused as to what he is asking* “That depends entirely on your preference, sir. We have creamers, milk, sugar, and add-ins on the table behind you.”
Customer: “So, I should put that stuff in?”
Me: “Only if you want to.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(He proceeds to go to table and adds everything on the table to the triple shot. Several minutes later, the customer comes in with the drink which is filled to the brim with milk/cream.)
Customer: “You served me earlier and this isn’t a triple shot.”
Me: “I remember you, sir, and it is. I handed you the triple shot.”
Customer: “Yes, but I don’t want cream or milk in it. I need you to make it again.”
Me: “Uh, sir, I’ll have to charge you again for the additional triple shot.”
Customer: “I don’t think you understand. This drink is wrong! I don’t want milk in it!”
Me: “I do understand, sir, but you put in the milk yourself.”
Customer: “You said to put in the milk!”
Me: “No, sir, I said it was down to your preference. How about you explain to me what you want in the triple espresso and I’ll give you a 10% discount?”
Customer: “Fine, I want espresso and a little sugar.”
Me: “All right, sir.”
(I charge him and begin to make the drink again. This time just adding a little simple syrup, hand him drink.)
Me: “Here’s your triple espresso!”
Customer: *looks at drink, then to drink counter* “So, should I put milk in?”
Me: “Do you want milk?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Then, no.”
(I’m working the drive-thru at a coffee shop.)
Customer: “I’d like a mocha.”
Me: “Certainly, what size on that?”
Customer: *screaming* “MOCHA!”
Me: “All right, go ahead and pull forward…”
(I manage a well-known chain coffee location. We had a minor price increase on some items about a month before.)
Me: “Good morning, sir. What can I get you today?”
Customer: “Medium coffee.”
Me: “Sure, that will be $2.17.”
Customer: “Two… WHAT?!”
Me: “$2.17?”
Customer: “When did that start? It was two dollars even!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We had a minor price increase about a month ago.”
(At this point, the customer has paid and received his drink and is now holding up the line.)
Customer: “I haven’t stopped drinking coffee in the last month! It’s been two dollars and that’s what it is! I don’t know where you get off charging me more all of a sudden, but that’s just crap!”
Me: “Sir, our prices are set by corporate and we have no control, so I’m sorry if you don’t like the price. I can give you a refund if you don’t want the drink, but the lady behind—”
Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!! I want this coffee! Look, I’ve already put my face on the cup!”
(He then emphasizes the point by mashing his mouth into the lid.)
Customer: “…and you have my money! Oh… and you’re ‘Sorry’? Do you know what that means in the dictionary?!”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “No, you frickin’ don’t! It means you aren’t worth anything and that’s what I think of this place. It’s SORRY!”
(During this final tirade, he is waving his cup around and it’s apparent that the woman behind him is afraid one of us will be splashed.)
Me: “Sir, I apologize for your confusion. If you don’t like the prices, you don’t need to spend your money here. You have my apology, so please take your coffee and have a great day.”
(He stares at me blankly for a moment and then wheels around and storms out. The woman who was behind him steps up to the counter. Surprisingly, she reaches out to shake my hand.)
Next Customer: “I don’t know how you stayed calm during that. He almost hit you with hot coffee! I just wanted to shake the hand of a saint before I got my latte!”
(We have a paid membership program at our store that allows members to take additional savings when purchasing stuff from our cafe.)
Me: “Hi, may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I was here about three weeks ago and got a cup of coffee. I’m not a member, so I got the bottom of the pot and it tasted disgusting.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir—it was mere coincidence.”
Customer: “Well, I had to throw it away! As I was leaving, I heard you ask the customer behind me if he was a member. Because he was, you told him you’d make a fresh pot of coffee for him! Do you discriminate against all of your non-members?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “I want you to make me a fresh pot of coffee right now.”
Me: “Sir, we don’t discriminate here. Again, it was most likely just coincidence. Why don’t I get you a cup and have you fix it the way you like it? If it doesn’t taste good, then let me know before you leave and I’d be more than happy to make a fresh pot of coffee.”
(I get him his coffee and he pays for it. After he goes to put his cream and sugar in it, I stop him on his way back before he leaves.)
Me: “How’s your coffee, sir?”
Customer: “Wow, the coffee here is really good! I work in a restaurant and hate when customers come back and complain, so I try not to be that type of person myself. Thanks for the coffee!”
