Client: “I thought you said the website was friendly.”

Me: “It is. What issues did you experience?”

Client: “I typed in my password and I got the error. “Access Denied. Wrong Password”.”

Me: “If you would like, I can give you your username and password.”

Client: “A friendly website would’ve given me my password.”

Me: “Did you click on “Forgot my Password”?”

Client: “No, I didn’t forget it.”

An hour later, I got an email from the client telling me he forgot his password. He was wondering if there was a recovery system in place.

Client: “I need that brochure today!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your deadline is two weeks from now. I have four other projects due this weekend.”

Client: “But I’m giving you a deadline now.”

Me: “It’s not feasible to meet it, I’m sorry.”

Client: “Fine! I’m taking your paycheque to hire someone else to do it.”

Me: “Well, that’s your right.”

Client: “Do you know anyone who can? Preferably for less than you were.”

Client: “We won’t pay you if you don’t submit the reports by midnight tomorrow.”

Me: “But you haven’t even given me the complete data sets yet! I only have six out of ten!”

Client: “We’ll give you the rest of them tomorrow, but we need to see your drafts time-stamped on March 31. Otherwise, you won’t get paid.”

After pulling a thirty-hour writing marathon, I sent six drafts off via email, with three minutes to spare before the midnight deadline.

Me: “Did you receive the drafts I sent to your email?”

Client: “Yeah, thanks. I’ve forwarded them to upper management.”

Me: “Right. So what about the rest of the data sets I asked for.”

Client: “Yeah, about that. We still haven’t received the data sets from the other project sites, so management is asking if they can send them by April 10th instead.”

Me: “…”

Client: “And we still need to discuss if we’re going to pay you for your time.”

I used to do architectural visualization. This firm hired me as a freelancer to create multiple illustrations of new condo buildings, including exterior shots, interior shots, floor plans, etc. Lot of work laid out in a well-defined contract, with costs agreed upon. Half the fees needed to be paid upfront, and the other half at the very end (after final approval). Everything went relatively well until the final payment was due:

Client: “I cannot pay you the final amount. You see, in architecture, costs are calculated per door, and with the money that I gave you in the beginning, that more than enough covers for the work.”

Obviously, I had created tens of rendered images of the same building, which they considered to be the same doors, so the same work, thus refusing to pay for the actual amount of work that had been done.

After a bit of back and forth, the client kept acting like a condescending twat and I had to give up most of the amount. Lesson learned.

Client: *Holding an old brochure.* “If you have this on your computer, we can just update the information.”

Me: “Great, that’s easy.”

Client: “But can you change the font?”

Me: “Sure.”

Client: “This picture doesn’t really work. And the background is a little too… frilly. And the title should–”

Me: “Why don’t you tell me what to keep first?”

Client: “I like the trifold.”