(I’ve been helping a student from China get her books for her Master’s programme. Her English is fine, but she has a strong accent. After I’ve finished helping her, the next customer steps up.)

Customer: “If that’s how she speaks English, she’s going to have serious trouble with Dutch. She’ll be useless in class!”

Me: “Actually, her courses are all in English, so she won’t have to learn Dutch.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! They’re making all these courses in English to let lazy foreigners get in easily. What about us, hmm? We have to put up with having to speak a foreign language in our own country just so she can come here and basically get handed a place at university by the stupid management. I bet she’ll get a job here, too. Everyone seems to think it’s more prestigious to hire some foreigner than someone who actually knows the language and the culture and everything!”

Me: “… Anyway, let’s get your books. What is your major?”

Customer: “International relations.”

(I’m in a college bookstore looking for used textbooks. I’ve already got one textbook when I’m approached by another customer. Note: I’m female, and the other customer is male.)

Customer: “Hey! You took the book I need!”

Me: “Oh, there are other copies on the shelf.”

Customer: “That’s the cheapest used copy! I saw it earlier and I was coming back for it!”

Me: “Umm… well, I’m sorry if I seem unsympathetic, but why didn’t you just buy it earlier?”

Customer: “Because, I was running late for class! Now, give it!” *holds out his hand*

Me: “Umm… no. I’m sorry, but I’m purchasing this book because I need it for my own classes. There are other copies, so…”

Customer: *stomps his foot* “You give me that book and you give it right now! No girl can ever understand that subject, anyway!”

(Overhearing the commotion, an employee walks up.)

Employee: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “It’s no big deal. I just grabbed this copy of the textbook, and for some reason he doesn’t want to grab one of the other ones on the shelf.”

Employee: “I wasn’t asking you.” *to the male customer* “What’s going on?”

Customer: “She took the cheapest used copy of that textbook. Girls are too r*****ed to understand that subject, so she can’t have that book! Tell her to give it to me NOW!”

Employee: *to me* “He’s right. That subject is awfully hard, you know. Much too hard for girls. Shouldn’t you take the intro class?”

Me: “First, I already have taken the intro class. Second, I don’t find it that difficult to understand, just fascinating. Third, I want to talk to your manager!”

Employee: “No. Just hand over the book, little girl.”

Me: *rolling eyes* “Toodles, boys. You’re not worth my time…”

(I went to the register and was rung through by another young man who was much more polite. He *did* call the manager for me, and I explained the situation. The manager called the employee over and fired him on the spot. When he saw the other customer, it turned out that guy worked in the store, too, and he was also fired.)

(At our bookstore, we don’t employ cleaners; everyone pitches in, including the manager. At the end of one day, I am mopping the floor. There is still one customer browsing around after making purchases.)

Customer: “Hey, weren’t you my cashier?”

Me: “Yes, I was.”

Customer: “Then why are you cleaning? Where are your cleaners?”

Me: “No cleaners here; everyone pitches in.”

Customer: “Why? Only the lowest of people should be cleaning. You’re better than that.”

Me: “The manager does the cleaning, too.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! He’s the manager. No manager in their right mind would clean! I would never clean if I was a manager.”

Me: “Well, ours does. Do you have a problem with that?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m not coming back here again!” *storms out*

(I’m ringing a customer up, when suddenly she runs her fingers through my hair as I’m leaning down to write something.)

Customer: “Sorry! Couldn’t resist. Such soft hair! I have a hair fetish… and a foot fetish. But only if they’re clean. You have clean fingernails! So, you’re good.”

Me: “Uh, thanks…”

(I’ve been called to the registers, where a customer has been causing a scene because our cashier cannot find a book she ordered.)

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. Did you receive a phone call that your order was in?”

Customer: “No! But I ordered it a month ago and the salesperson told me it would only take about five days. I knew that girl was an idiot!”

Cashier: “I searched all over and I can’t find a book under her name. There isn’t even a record of it in our system.”

Me: “Is it possible you ordered it at a different store? We wouldn’t—”

Customer: “NO! Stop asking me stupid questions and find my d***ed book!”

Me: “What was the title of the book? I can try to find your order that way.”

Customer: “It was [Title Of Book]. Honestly, I can’t believe how incompetent you people are. No wonder everyone shops online these days. I’d look into it myself, but I never give out my personal information. Anyway, can you believe it’s been A MONTH?! What kind of business are you running, anyway? Frankly, I don’t think I should have to pay for it.”

Me: “Well, someone did place an order for that book, but the name doesn’t match yours and it was only two days ago.”

Customer: “That’s it! That’s my order!”

Me: “But the name isn’t yours, and there’s a completely different home address and phone number.”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I just told you I never give my personal information out!”

Me: “Wait, so if you used a different name and phone number, why didn’t you give us that information instead?”

Customer: “I made it up! You people are always asking for information. How am I supposed to remember what I told you?!”

Me: “You also said you ordered it a month ago.”

Customer: “Oh, am I supposed to keep track of how long it’s been?! You want me to do your WHOLE job for you?! I don’t care! I just want the book!”

Me: “You also called us incompetent. Repeatedly.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t live in the past so much. It’ll give you wrinkles!”