(Our regular cleaning lady, who’s also in charge of our cafeteria, mainly coffee machine maintenance, keeping the drinks refrigerator stocked, etc., is currently on a two-week holiday, and the agency we work with has sent a young temp to replace her. A couple of days into the temp’s stint, I walk into our usually spotless cafeteria to find the fridge a smelly mess, with drinks cans bathing in a puddle of spilled milk that’s gone off, and what appears to be a knocked-over bowl of soup on the top shelf adding a decorative dash of green. At that moment, our temp walks in, sits down, and starts browsing a newspaper.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Temp: “Oh, hi!” *continues reading*

Me: “Say, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the fridge seems to be in a bit of a mess. The milk’s gone off and has apparently been spilled all over the place, and there’s a knocked-over bowl of soup that’s seen better days.”

Temp: “Yeah, I know. That soup’s been there since Tuesday and it stinks.”

Me: “…”

Temp: “It stinks as soon as you open the fridge door, so you’d better keep it shut as much as possible.”

Me: *not quite knowing what to say to that* “So… how are you finding the job so far?”

Temp: *smiling* “Oh, it’s fine, really… A bit boring, though, as there’s not a lot for me to do. I don’t know how [Regular Cleaning Lady] does it, but it usually takes me only an hour or so to clean this place and restock the fridges, and the rest of the day I take it easy.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Right, I see…”

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(I’m a customer sitting in a bookstore calmly reading my own book. I always go there because it’s pretty cozy and they let me because I’m a regular.)

Customer: “Hey, you have a copy of The Hunger Games! The store employee said it was sold out!”

Me: “This is my own copy, ma’am. I just come here to read.”

Customer: “You little liar! You just don’t want ME to take the last copy to the counter first!”

(Suddenly, the customer snatches my book out of my hands and runs to the counter.)

Employee: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I’m going to ask you to give that book back to the young miss over there.”

Customer: “WHAT?! But I came here first!”

Employee: “I can, in fact, confirm that the book belongs to the young miss.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Sell me this book!”

Employee: “I’m afraid I can’t, ma’am.”

Customer: *slams my book on the counter* “This is the worst service I’ve EVER gotten! I’m NEVER coming back here!” *runs out*

Employee: *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. If your book was harmed in any way, please let me know and I’ll reserve a new one for you.”

Me: *laughing* “Thanks, but it’s fine. Great service though!”

(I’m preparing bananas flambé in front of several customers. Suddenly, one of them speaks up excitedly.)

Customer: “Wow, that looks so cool! Are you using gasoline?”

(A customer addresses me with a question about balloons we’ve sold her the week before.)

Customer: “I think I bought the wrong ones.” *points at the shelf* “These don’t rise to the ceiling. Where are the ones that do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is only one kind of balloon. They float if you fill them with helium.”

(The customer stands there giving me a puzzled look.)

Me: “You just blew them up with air, didn’t you? You see, if the gas is lighter than the air–”

(She continues to look with a confused, helpless gaze.)

Me: “If you want them to float in the air, you’ll just have to buy this tank of helium, put the balloon over the valve and release the gas into the balloon.”

Customer: “But I’ve already blown up all the balloons! Is there no other way to have them go up to the ceiling?”

Me: “You could tape them onto your ceiling.”