When I am 14 years old, I catch a very nasty bout of head lice. No idea how I got them. I was fine before spring break and had creepy crawlers at the end of it. I get treatment and seem lice-free, but the pharmacist advises me to keep some distance or inform others, just to be sure. So, here I go, back to school… Having to tell my 3 friends I had head lice…

Me: So, ehm… During spring break… I had some head lice and the pharmacist…

One friend immediately does three steps back. The other two:

Friend 1: Oh man, that sucks!

Friend 2: Did you have to get that nasty shampoo? Man, I can still smell that stuff from when I had lice in kindergarten!

My friends just continue talking, while friend #3 excuses herself. In class, she suddenly sits far away from the 3 of us.

After class, the class bully suddenly comes to me when I get my bike.

Bully: Hey, is it true? Did you get head lice?

I already knew who spilled the beans. Thanks, ex-friend #3!

Me: Eh, yeah…

Bully: That sucks! I never imagined anyone of our age getting it, especially you, considering you’re such a loner and all.

Thanks, I guess?

Bully: But they are gone now, right? Good. Man, just looking at you gives me the shivers. I mean, I look great if I shave my head but you? Nah, you’d look ugly as heck. Glad you don’t have to shave.

It was weird, but I felt more comforted by the class bully than my so-called friend. Nobody else ever mentioned it again and no one else treated me different. Well, except that one ex-friend, but she was the class bully’s target for a week or two after spring break.

When I was 17 my Dads brother (my uncle) died of cancer. My uncle was a very social guy and knew almost everyone in his community. My Dad is three years older than my uncle, so they have some classmates in common.
*my Dads classmate comes to my dad in the line of relatives at the wake
My Dad: hi (classmate) how are you?
Classmate: Good…
my Dad: So (classmate) what have been up to in the 35 years since high school?
Classmate: I went to college and now I’m an accountant for (company). And you?
My dad: I went to college, got married and had two kids (motioning to my sister and I).
Classmate: Someone actually married you and you had spawn?
This left my Dad speechless and even after 10 years we still laugh at how much of an immature ahole this guy was to my dad at a wake.

(I just came home from a late shift at work, my boyfriend is playing video games with his brother and friends online)
Me: I’m home!
Boyfriend: I’m gonna die!

There is a pub I frequent while staying on campus at university (I live off campus with my partner). I am on a friendly basis with one of the barmaids. I see her on my way to a lecture one morning and decide to greet her as I walk by.

Me: Hey-

Barmaid: F**k off. I’m not on the clock.

She then pushes me into the road where I nearly get struck by a bus. When I tell me friends they inform me of the rumours that have been spreading about her, generally being abusive wheb she isn’t working and sucking up to anyone with enough money. We all agree to stop visiting the pub and go elsewhere. She eventually starts working at another, and just as before we go elsewhere. Eventually a trend appears where pubs that employ her start losing customers, and then she disappears altogether. A few months later and a new rumour starts that the barmaid pushed another guy into a 4×4 and broke his leg, and that he is pursuing charges against her, which is why she disappeared. We don’t know if it’s true, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

My husband was acting as a chaperon/counselor at Christian camp that my daughter was attending for two weeks. This happened after the kids just finished a talent show:

Husband approaches daughter, kisses her forehead then says: “I’m so proud of you!”

Another counselor witnesses this and pulls my husband aside.

Counselor: Bro, I saw you kiss that girl, that’s really inappropriate! She’s 16!

Husband, looks confused for a moment, then bursts out laughing: Uh, Bro, that’s my daughter!