(I am at the local library, checking out Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A teenage girl barges up to the desk with the entire Twilight collection in her arms.)
Me: “Hey, I was checking—”
Girl: *completely ignoring me* “I would like to check these out!”
Librarian: “Please wait in line, miss.”
Girl: “Are you refusing me service?”
Librarian: “No, ma’am. How can I help you?”
Girl: “I really love these books! This is, like, the fifth time I’ve read them!”
Librarian: “Perhaps I could interest you in other vampire related materials?”
Girl: “Oh, my god! There’s more?”
(I’m really angry at this point and interject, since the girl is oblivious to the fact she cut in front of me.)
Me: “Yes, there are. However, no other book that has anything to do with vampires is as loaded with useless Mary Sues as that mountain of garbage you oh so adore.”
Girl: *completely clueless* “What do you mean? These books are great!”
Me: *points at cover of Dracula’* “This guy is a vampire.”
Girl: “No he’s not! He’s way too ugly!”
Me: “Yes, he is a vampire. Vampires, as they should be, are hideous predators that only seek to feed on humanity. The so called vegetarianism’ that is present in Twilight offers no sustenance to a vampire. Also, when they go out in the daylight, they burn, not take a bath in a vat of rhinestones.”
Librarian: “He does have a point there.”
Girl: “That’s disgusting! Who would want a vampire like that?”
(She storms out of the library with the Magnum Opus of snowflakes in her book bag.)
