(I’m a speech therapist working on the “V” sound with a first grade student.)

Me: “Make up a sentence with the word ‘vampire’ in it.”

Student: “I’m a vampire, and I do not sparkle. If I go into the sun, I die.”

(I gave the student a high-five after I stopped laughing. Faith in the future generation: restored.)

(My brother and I play the videogame ‘Skyrim’ together. We are facing the vampire lord for the first time, when he reveals his monster form. To transform, he seems to explode.)

Brother: “Did you see that?! That was scary! He just went… he just exploded!”

(My brother looks really freaked out, which surprises me because he is a monster-movie fan.)

Me: “Are you serious?”

Brother: “Eh, I mean, kind of! You have to admit, that was kind of scary. He was just …pop! And then… ughhhh!”

Me: “Okay, I guess so…”

Brother: “Well, at least he didn’t sparkle…”

Cousin’s Son: “Why would there be vampires in the national anthem?”

Cousin: “What?”

Cousin’s Son: “What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming…”

(I’m teaching art lessons to a group of kids ages six to eight. I am trying to convince a girl to paint a shadow on her painting of a puppy.)

Me: “If the puppy is outside on a sunny day, you would see his shadow on the ground. We all have shadows. You have a shadow. I have a shadow. I guess the only way he wouldn’t have a shadow is if the puppy was a vampire.”

Little Girl: *rolls eyes* “Uh, Ms. [my name], if the puppy was a vampire he would have a shadow. He wouldn’t have a reflection.”

(I admit it; I was completely owned by an eight-year-old girl!)

(I’ve been helping my six-year-old nephew with a craft project.)

Me: “Wow, you’ve got glitter everywhere. You’re all sparkly, like a vampire!”

Nephew: “VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE!”

Sister: “Good boy.”