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Only In LA

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(This is an adult store in Los Angeles. Enter a fat, balding guy in his 40s.)

Guy: “Hello, Miss.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Guy: “Do you have any–HOLY S***! You’re a girl!”

Me: “I am?”

Guy: “Shouldn’t you be at home, getting ready for your husband, cooking or something?”

Me: “I burn salads. My WIFE tends to cook more.”

Guy: “Holy s***! You’re a heathen!”

Me: “Doom upon me. What was it you wanted?”

Guy: “Whatever. Got any Bibles?”

…And Fruit Hates You Right Back

, , , | Right | July 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?”

Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?”

Me: “No, sir. Just fruit drinks.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.”

Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?! I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!”

Me: “We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?”

Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store*

Altruism, How I Miss Thee

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

Library Patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

(Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

Library Patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

Library Patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… Otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

Library Patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

Read the next Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup story!

Read the Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer: *to his passengers* “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old Lady #1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old Lady #2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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