She Needs Her Brain Scanned

, | Learning | May 26, 2013

(I’m head technician at the call center for the campus IT department and receive a call from one of the program directors at an off-campus location.)

Me: “IT, how may I assist you?”

Program Director: “This new computer they sent me is broken! It won’t take my document!”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do, but you’re going to have to tell me a little more. First, what do you mean by ‘it won’t take’ your document?”

Program Director: “I have all these correspondences from all these people, and I’m supposed to put them on the computer. It won’t take them.”

Me: “Are you trying to type them in to a word processing program? Or are you wanting to scan them in using some kind of scanner device?”

Program Director: “DON’T GET TECHNICAL WITH ME! I’m an educated person,; I have TWO DOCTORATES, SO DON’T YOU DARE TALK DOWN TO ME!”

Me: “I’m not talking down to you; I assure you. If you don’t understand the terms I just used, I can define them for you and we can try to get you back on track here. Do you know what a word processing program is? Or a flat-bed scanner?”

Program Director: “There you go again, belittling me! I demand to speak to your supervisor!”

Me “Ma’am, you can speak to my supervisor, right after we fix this issue. I have no problem at all transferring you to the supervisor, but right now, I’d really like to just fix whatever the problem you are having, and then you can speak to the boss. Would that be alright with you? Fix the issue first, and then speak to the supervisor?”

Program Director: “Well, okay, but this had better not take much longer!”

Me: “I’ll go as fast as I can. Please tell me exactly how you are attempting to get the documents into the computer, one step at a time, if you would?”

Program Director: “Step by step? This is stupid, but okay, here goes. First, I pick up one of the letters that need to be in the computer. Got that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Got it. Then what do you do with it?”

Program Director: “I hold it up in front of the big screen thing, but NOTHING HAPPENS. And so WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? I need to get going on this,; it is very important.”

Me: “Just one more question, I think, should do it. By ‘the big screen thing,’ do you by any chance mean the white box that kind of looks like a television, and has [brand name] on the front of it?”

Program Director: “Yes. That’s it exactly.”

(Turns out she was holding papers up to the monitor, and expecting the computer to be able to read them in, as if it was an eyeball or something. When she found out that she would have to type all these documents in to a word processing document, she about hit the ceiling.)

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