(I am a new hire who has been getting a lot of extra hours because several people were fired right after I was hired, and I do my work well and quickly. A new coworker was hired a few days after me, but he’s not such a fast learner.)

Assistant Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can you stay a couple hours late today?”

Manager: “Dude! I can’t keep giving him overtime hours! You wanna give up some of your OT hours or something?”

Assistant Manager: “Man, I got no one else!”

Me: “Don’t you have [Coworker] tonight?”

Assistant Manager: *brief pause, turns back to Manager* “I got no one else!”

(I work at a performing arts summer camp which is staffed mostly by college students. As such, we are mostly friends and keep in contact through the year. In March, Coworker #1 sends an email to the group.)

Coworker #1: “Did [Director] tell anyone what the show is for this summer?”

Coworker #2: “Last I heard, it was uncertain.”

Coworker #3: “Uncertain is a musical I just wrote about my plans after college.”

(I have moved and need to get the address on my license plate changed. I go in with two IDs, a phone book with my name and current address, and a mortgage slip with my name and address on it as proof that I have indeed moved.)

Attendant: “Oh, I’m so sorry, honey. That’s not enough proof. This could be an old phone book and you could be paying for someone else’s house.”

Me: “Well, what other could I possibly provide?”

Attendant: “Well, if someone could vouch for you, that’d be perfect! Here’s the form they’d need to sign.”

Me: “So does this need to be a lawyer or something?”

Attendant: “No, just a responsible adult.”

Me: “Ooookay…”

(I turn around and ask the nearest person to sign the form. They do so without really reading it.)

Me: *to the random person* “Thanks!” *to the attendant* “Will that do?”

Attendant: “Yes, ma’am, that’s all we need! We’ll get it taken care of shortly.”

(My husband and I stop at the local mall where we pass a vacuum demonstration at one of the kiosks. We walk by just as the demonstration ends and one of the demonstrators stops us.)

Demonstrator: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “It’s very nice, but we actually don’t need a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “You already have one?”

Me: “Well, we have a stick vacuum, but we don’t have carpeting.”

Demonstrator: “You don’t have floors?!”

Me: “Oh, no. We have hardwood and marble in the bathroom.”

Demonstrator: “So, you don’t have any carpeting?”

Me: “No, just hardwood and marble.”

Demonstrator: “Do you have dirt floors?!”

Me: “No… we have hardwood floors.”

Demonstrator: “… Your floors are made of wood?!”

Husband: “We already have a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “Ooooh, I see. Have a good day!”

(I am working the drive thru of the store very early in the morning.)

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Store], what could I get for you today?”

Customer: “Just a small coffee.”

Me: “How will you take your coffee today?”

Customer: “Black, just like my soul.”

Me: “… okay?”