Like A Good Neighbor, Try Saying “Please”

My neighbor and I live in a split condo — him on one side, me on the other. We equally take care of the shared front steps, both our walkways, and both our driveways. He has a snowblower, and I go along behind him and shovel what it cannot get.

We also do the driveway of the neighbor across the street because he’s elderly. This particular snowstorm today is what we call “heart attack snow”. It’s all slush and yuck, and it’s hard to move. Even the snowblower is clogging every two minutes. It’s just pure slush.

I should note that I very much become an “I don’t care what you think of me” person when someone manages to push my buttons. I’m 5’2” tall, but my friends like to joke that I’m “ten feet of spite in a five-foot package”. I’m not outright spiteful in this story, but it gives you an idea of why I acted the way I did.

We are in the middle of doing the elderly neighbor’s driveway when a woman walks up with a condescending look on her face. She looks to be in her forties, so not elderly.

Without so much as a “hello”, she starts screaming at us.

Woman: “I need to go to the store! Why have you not dug me out first?!”

Me: “We are not hired—”

Woman: “I need you to dig me out. Now!”

Neighbor: “We are not—”

Woman: “No! You will shovel me out! Now!”

Me: *Finally raising my voice* “We do this because he is elderly! It’s not a job. Do you see a freaking uniform or snow removal company logo on us?!”

Woman: “So?”

Me: “You going to pay us?”

Woman: “Why would I do that? Does [Elderly Neighbor] pay you?”

At this point, I’ve hit my limit. I try to splash cold water (figuratively speaking) on her logic.

Me: “So, you expect us to shovel you out, for free, and make you a priority, just because you screamed at us?”

Woman: “Well, you should not shovel out anyone if you won’t help everyone!”

[Neighbor] is off with his snowblower by now, just doing what we came to do, because it’s still snowing and we want to be done for now.

Me: “The man is eighty years old. It’s called ‘being a decent human being’. You’re—”

Woman: “Well, you—”

Me: “No. Shut up when an adult is talking.”

Woman: “You—”

Me: “No! I said be quiet when adults are talking! You clearly never learned how to say ‘please’. If you were in trouble, we would have helped. Instead, you could not use your adult words to speak like a proper person, so go f*** yourself. Now, get off this property before I ask the owner to call the cops.”

The town police station is literally four buildings down from where I live, so response time for an elderly man calling about trespassing would be lightspeed.

I walk back to [Neighbor].

Neighbor: “What did you tell her?”

Me: “I pointed out that she should learn to ask for favors like an adult, is all. I felt I was very reasonable, and I hope she took it to heart.”

We spent another thirty minutes doing our elderly neighbor’s driveway, and we could see the woman glaring at us from her living room window the entire time.

It’s been two hours since we finished, and I can look out my window and see that her driveway is STILL unshoveled. But I’m not going to help someone who acts like my sole reason to exist is to make their life easier.