Hark, The Night Isn’t Falling! But Hear! Hear The Pipes Are Calling!

I work in an office at a college. Students can come to dispute resolution to try to handle difficult situations. Typically, we see arguments about shared spaces or mediate complaints about class policies.

This time, we got something a little different. A student has requested to speak to the board and shows up holding a few sheets of paper.

Student: “Look, I’m sorry to waste your time on this, but I’m out of options.”

Board Lead: “Don’t worry about our time. We’re here to handle any issues you’re having trouble with. What’s going on?”

Student: “I live in [Dorm], and every Saturday morning, there’s someone out playing the bagpipes. It starts at 9:00 am every day. It’s the first thing I hear every Saturday.”

Board Lead: “That’s outside of quiet hours, but I think we all know that most students are still asleep on Saturday mornings. You could certainly try a noise complaint based on how loud they—”

Student: “That’s not the problem!”

He begins to wave his papers around, and I see they’re stacks of sheet music.

Student: “He’s playing the d*** song wrong! That’s not how Scotland The Brave goes!”

That was years and years ago. Now, whenever the board misses the mark on what a student is actually upset about — which happens a lot — someone will inevitably add, “That’s not how ‘Scotland The Brave’ goes!”