Who Peed In Her Uncooked Oats?

It’s Tuesday of finals week at my university. I live in the dorm, and every morning, I go to the dining hall to eat oatmeal.

I walk up to see someone scraping up the last half scoop. There is still half an hour left of breakfast.

Student Worker: “There is no more oatmeal.”

I look up to see a student worker shift lead.

Me: “Is there any more coming?”

Student Worker: “They aren’t making more.”

I mishear.

Me: “They are making more?”

Student Worker: “No more until lunch.”

Me: *Sadly looking down* “But there is never oatmeal at lunch.”

Student Worker: “What?”

Me: “Lunch never has oatmeal.”

She sighs and walks away, so I shuffle away, unsure what to do next. A “career” worker I’m friends with approaches to ask if I’ll be around over the summer, and then she asks what’s wrong. I tell her there is no oatmeal, and she cranes over the salad bar to look at the clock.

“Career” Worker: “Nuh-uh. That’s not okay. They shouldn’t be saying no; it’s still breakfast. I’ll go see.”

Me: “If I had dry oats, I could add hot water.”

She checks the hot storage and then heads to the back, while I stand there wondering what I’ve gotten myself into. [Student Worker] dramatically rolls her eyes while walking past me at about this time, which I assume is about something unrelated.

A few minutes later, [Student Worker] approaches me, claps her hands, and enthusiastically says:

Student Worker: “So, they are going to make a special batch of oatmeal, just. For. You!”

I get really excited and just say, “Yay!” Then, she continues.

Student Worker: “YOU’RE SO SPECIAL!”

I start to realize she might be upset about it, rather than sincere. But at that moment, my friend walks out with a bowl of dry oats — not even the quick oat kind. I thank her and look right into the student worker’s eyes.

Me: “These oats are dry. I’m going to put hot water on them.”

She was understandably speechless when I walked off, not because I was clever or scathing, but because what would you even say to that?

I went and sat at a table next to a friend with my hot water and dry oat soup, and I told her what had happened.

Apparently, [Student Worker] had been capricious to her, too! That same morning, my friend was trying to use the juice dispenser, and it wasn’t working. [Student Worker] walked up next to my friend and very slowly filled a cup with every working type of juice so my friend had to wait. My friend had thought she was maybe just oblivious but had hoped it was on purpose just because it was funny to be messed with so arbitrarily like that.

We started laughing so hard. The girl was being so aggressive for no reason, and it was just funny. Imagine being so salty about oatmeal and juice that you lash out like that.

I pointed out that it must be rough having to work during finals week, serving all these students who don’t have to work in the morning. For the sake of everyone around her, I hope her day gets better.

At the very least, I hope her overt passive-aggression brings her as much amusement today as it brought me.

Oh, and my oatmeal was sort of edible by the time breakfast closed, so I was shoveling some unseasoned bites in as we were kicked out. This literally just happened, so if there actually is oatmeal at lunch today for the first time ever, I’ll have to update you.