(My friend and I have just got on the train and sat down when an entire primary school class fills up our carriage, some of them sitting in the empty seats next to us.)

Friend: “I’m gonna ask them about stuff we used to like when we were their age and see what’s still relevant.”

Me: “Yeah, cool.”

Friend: “Hey, what kind of TV shows and stuff do you guys watch? Have you heard of things like Rugrats?”

Kids: *shaking heads, confused stares*

Friend: “Uh… That’s So Raven?”

Kids: “What?”

Me: “Pokémon?”

Kids: “Pokémon? That’s for little kids!”

Friend: “You really think so?”

Kids: “Yeah, it’s for babies.”

Friend: “We play Pokémon.”

Kids: “You play baby games then.”

Me: “How old are you?”

(The kids state ages between 7-10.)

Me: “[Friend], how old are you?”

Friend: “16.”

Me: “I’m 16, too. Do you play Pokémon?”

Friend: “Yes, I do play Pokémon.”

Me: “I also play Pokémon. Do you guys play Pokémon?”

Kids: “No!”

Me: “So by that information, it looks like not playing Pokémon is for little kids.”

Friend: “Can’t argue with that logic.”

One Kid: “Yeah, well… you’re a doinky face!”

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(My roommate has been avoiding me for a week, shutting her door whenever I walk past it, walking quickly to her room, etc. We recently got into a fight because she left her dishes in the sink until they were moldy, so I changed the Internet password until she did them. I go to give her some mail.)

Me: “[Roommate], you have mail!”

(I peek in her room when she doesn’t answer and see nothing. Literally nothing. The room is completely empty. I immediately call her.)

Me: “So, interesting story. I went to put your mail on your desk only, surprise! There’s no desk. No nothing.”

Roommate: “You changed the wifi password because I didn’t do the dishes and it pissed me off.”

Me: “You moved out without telling me because I changed the WIFI PASSWORD?”

Roommate: “It pissed me off!”

(She moved in with an old friend of hers, but shortly afterwards had to move back in with her mother, who washed her dishes for her.)

(I am at my best friend’s engagement party. I bring a case of Smithwick’s along since I know he and his fiancé usually stock mostly lite beer which I abhor with a somewhat irrational level of hatred. I make it known the beer is fair game and socialize a bit, end up chatting among a girl and a guy.)

Me: *noticing the girl has no drink* “Did you want a beer? I brought along a case of Smid’ick’s”

Girl: “No, thanks. I don’t like beer.”

Me: “You don’t like beer!? What kind of beer have you been drinking that you say you don’t like beer?”

Guy: “Dude, she doesn’t have to have a beer if she doesn’t want to.”

Me: “I’m aware of that, and some people just don’t like beer. But usually when someone says that I find they’ve only ever drank piss-water in the past, so now I’m curious. What kind of beer are you thinking of when you say you ‘don’t like beer’?”

Girl: “I’ve only really drank beer in college, and then it was usually normal stuff like [lite brands], stuff like that.”

Me: “Well see, there’s your problem. Lite beer is not beer. It’s just bad tasting water. You’ve never had a beer before. Why don’t you try a sip of this and see if you like it.”

Guy: “Man, chill out. She says she doesn’t like beer. She doesn’t have to have beer!”

Me: “You chill out. She’s only had lite beer in the past.”

Guy: “Lite beer is still beer.”

Me: “No. No, it’s not. You’re just spewing gibberish right now. [Girl], this is a fairly good basic lager. It’s not too strong. Would you like to try a sip to see if you like it better than the s*** you had in the past?”

Guy: “She doesn’t have to like beer!”

Me: “I’m not forcing her. I’m asking her. I think beer is a good thing, and if I can spread some joy to someone who doesn’t know it can be good, I’ve done my duty. [Girl], would you like to try?”

Girl: *shrugs* “Eh, why not.”

(She tries a sip while the guy basically scoffs at me.)

Girl: “Hmm, it’s not that bad.”

Me: “There, see? Real beer is pretty good.”

(About a minute passes. Conversation continues normally.)

Girl: “Actually, [My Name], could I get one of your beers?”

Me: *giving [Guy] a smug look* “Absolutely you can!”

(A coworker of mine has just bought a new house and is holding a house-warming party. Another coworker got the address wrong.)

Coworker: *slamming open door and yelling* “What’s up c***-*uckers! Ready to party?!”

(A family of four at the table eating dinner, stare up at this stranger who has just burst into their house.)

Coworker: “So I guess you’re not ready to party, then.”

(He eventually found the right place and fessed up to this. I often wonder about what the family thought of their random party stranger.)

(My roommate comes in while I’m on my computer.)

Roommate: “Hey, what are you looking at?”

Me: “I’m going through this genealogy website my dad posted up. It has all of our extended family, going back several generations, and even has photos of relatives.”

Roommate: “Cool. Can I check out some of the girls in your family?” *points to one name* “How about this Sequoyah chick over here?”

Me: “Um… Sequoyah is my uncle.”