(We’re two couples of new parents, watching our kids play at the park. A few months ago, the other couple wasn’t able to come to my 40th birthday party. We’re all pretty tired and wish our kids would sleep.)

Me: “Okay, all the people under 4 years old, have a nap!”

Friend: “Even better: all the people under 40 years old, have a nap!”

Me: “Well, too bad for me, then” *pretend sad face*

Friend: *stupefied* “What!? You’re over 40?!”

(He felt very stupid suddenly. Next time, come to my party!)

(My best friend is staying with me overnight in my college dorm room. This conversation occurs through the rather-thin bathroom door after a long day of volunteering at the local art fair.)

Me: “Eep!”

Friend: “What is it?”

Me: “Huge pimple on my backside.”

Friend: “How huge?”

Me: “Call the bomb squad huge.”

Friend: *knocks on the door* “I got the bomb squad for you!”

Me: *opens door slightly to see what she is talking about*

Friend: *hands me her specialized body scrub* “Best team in the business, ma’am. The field will be clear in no time!”

(I just moved back to my home town. My mom and I are shopping. My mom walks away to get something while I am standing with the cart. A Muslim couple walks in. The woman is wearing a hijab. Another couple I know who live in my town, who are known to be racist, walks into the store, as well.)

Racist: “Go home, you d*** terrorist!. This is a Christian nation! You foreigners are taking food stamps and welfare away from pure white Americans who need it!”

Woman: “I hope you know that I am American and I was born in the United States.”

Racist: “Yeah, right. The only true Americans are Christians!”

(I feel the need to intervene.)

Me: “You are not acting very Christian-like! Jesus loves everyone!” *to the Muslim woman* “I am sorry, miss. Not all us are like this.”

Woman: “I know, sweetheart.”

(My mother comes back and then gasps.)

Mother: “I can’t believe it!” *grabs my arm and pulls me towards the Muslim woman* “Honey, this woman is the doctor that delivered you as a baby!”

Woman: “Oh, wow! How are old are you now?”

Me: “21.”

Woman: “Wait, are you by any chance [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, I am!”

Woman: “You are the first baby I ever delivered! I never forgot the name of the first baby I delivered!”

(The racist couple huffed and stomped off while we all caught up!)

(I am a big fan of Transformers. People know it by the hat and necklace I wear, which depicts my favorite faction. The background of my laptop is an image of a member of that faction. At a cafe I am at, a couple men in their twenties are chatting at a nearby table. Note: I am female.)

Guy #1: “Hey!” *points at me and whispers*

Guy #2: “Really?”

Guy #1: *walks over* “Hey, girl, do you actually know anything about Transformers?”

Me: “Yeah, I do.”

Guy #1: “Suuure you do.”

(I start getting annoyed because I figure he thinks I don’t know anything due to my gender.)

Me: “I’m sure you know more, then?”

Guy #1: Yeah!

Me: *switches my laptop to the desktop, turns it so he can see* “Why don’t you tell me about this guy?”

Guy #1: “Uh, he’s a [Faction].”

Me: “What about his vehicle mode?”

Guy #1: “Well, he has wings, so he’s a jet, duh!”

Me: “And?”

Guy #1: “And what?”

Me: “[Character’s Name]’s a jet and a car, a French fighter jet, and a [Japanese Car Brand]. He’s known as ‘Triplechanger.'”

Guy #1: “Everyone knows that.”

Me: *smirking* “No, not everyone does.”

Guy #1: “Why do you say that?”

Me: “I made this character…”

(I’m waiting for a train to arrive when I witness this event.)

Intoxicated Stranger: “I’m going to Hogwarts!” *runs into support beam*