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Exes Communicating And Excommunicating

| Bristol, England, UK | Romantic | December 26, 2013

(My friends and I have a group chat online. I log in and two others have already been chatting. The two broke up a few weeks ago, and are in mid-conversation.)

Friend #1: “Clearly I have perfected time travel. What shall I do with it?”

Friend #2: “Go back and kiss me one last time.”

(There’s an oddly long pause.)

Friend #2: “Sorry. I’m tired.”

Friend #1: “Haha. It’s okay. Me, too.”

Me: “I’ll just be signing out…”

A Soft Spot For Her

| Canada | Romantic | December 26, 2013

(I’m watching a movie with my boyfriend. He has his head on my stomach so we can both lie on the couch together. I look down at my stomach and make a face.)

Me: “Bleh, I need to lose this flab.”

Boyfriend: *in the tone a petulant child* “No!”

Me: “Did you just tell me no?”

Boyfriend: *wraps his arms around my belly and growls* “My pillow.”

Secure Holiday Relationships

| Romantic | December 26, 2013

holiday-eating-relationship-fat-seasonal-ecards-someecards

Putting Things Into Con-text

| TX, USA | Learning | December 26, 2013

Me: “[Student], please put away your phone.”

Student: “But it’s an emergency!”

Me: “You always say that. Put it away, please.”

Student: “But, Miss, I texted my friend like ten minutes ago and he hasn’t responded yet! I think something must be wrong!”

The Wrong Butt Of The Joke

| Oregon City, OR, USA | Learning | December 26, 2013

(In my bio psychology class we are discussing a rather unconventional topic that tends to make people just a bit uncomfortable. I should probably mention that the professor is a little crazy.)

Student: “It’s not like everyone has to get all butt-hurt about it. It’s a simple question.”

Professor: “Butt-hurt? What does that even mean? I need to get caught up on the slang you kids use these days.”
Student: “It’s like… taking offense at something?”

Professor: “Well, I don’t know about you and YOUR sphincters, but mine is totally fine right now.”

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