I used to work in a convenience store in the middle of the high street. The self-checkouts were often too complicated for the customers. The most common conundrum was the fact that the machine told people to put the item they just scanned “in the bag”. By this, it meant the bagging area, which used a pressure sensor to confirm the items, and where there was a little hook we used to hang the plastic bags from until the 5p charge came along and people kept taking them but not paying for them.

I was always surprised by the sheer number of times a customer would be standing there yelling, “I did put it in the bag!” while holding the bag in their hand. People, the machine isn’t sentient and it can’t see you!

The coin and cash slots confused people, too. The slot for notes was as you’d imagine, but for the coins, there was a kind of well next to the screen with a little conveyor where you were supposed to drop the coins. The belt dragged them into the machine and change was dispensed into a tray underneath.

Some genius let their kid try and push a £1 coin into the cash slot, which I then had to pry out with a pen and a pair of tweezers.

Not many of these idiots were ever appreciative, or apologetic. The worst was this woman, who stood there holding her items instead of putting them in the bagging area as I fixed the issue. I finished up and turned to get back to work, as it was the lunch rush.

Customer: “No, don’t go anywhere. You might need to help me again!”

I work at a store in Minneapolis. During the George Floyd Protests, we locked up and went home, and headquarters hired contractors to clad the windows in wood to protect them.

Frankly, I don’t think it was necessary, because when we returned to work, the wood was untouched. It was clear that no one had tried to break in. We did an inventory, and not a single item was missing. The wood had not even been spray-painted.

But the funniest thing was that when we returned to work several weeks after the protests broke out… we discovered that the front door had been left unlocked the entire time.

I work for a large, well-known retail chain. A customer is upset that his holiday items aren’t ringing up on sale.

Me: “I can manually do the discount for you.”

Then, he makes a snide remark to his wife.

Customer: “Well, this is [Store].”

He says that like he expects this kind of problem at [Store].

Me: “Let’s not go there.”

Customer: “Oh, we’re going there.”

It went quickly downhill from there, and he continued to be rude.

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do the additional discount for you if you’re going to be so rude.”

A manager walked by and heard the customer.

Manager: “Quit disrespecting my cashier and leave.”

It was awesome. He later came and praised how I’d handled the customer and asked if I was okay.

To put it bluntly, my sister and I are both fat. We don’t have physical or mental issues, and there’s no medical reason whatsoever that we can’t not be fat. We’re just a result of lifestyle choices — too much food and not enough exercise.

One day, I decide to do something about it, and I start eating healthier — much less sugar and carbs, and a lot of veggies! — and exercising five times a week.

I allow myself one cheat day a month, and today is the day! I go to my favorite restaurant, as I am not going to waste my cheat day on food I don’t absolutely love. My sister discovers that I am going, so she decides to tag along.

Like I said, my sister (like myself) has no mental issues, but she has been a bit resistant to my lifestyle change.

Waiter: “Can I get you ladies anything to drink?”

Sister: *Not skipping a beat* “She’ll just have the water! She’s trying to lose all her fat!”

Me: “I will have a diet soda, thanks.”

Sister: “And she’ll have the salad for her mains.”

Me: “I will have the [signature burger] and fries, please.”

Sister: “Oh, but you’ve been doing so well. Are you ready to give in?”

Me: “It’s my cheat day; that’s why I’m here. I’m going to enjoy this meal and then go back to my diet tomorrow.”

Sister: “You say that now, but tomorrow, you’ll be back to the same as always.”

Waiter: *Sensing the tension* “I’ll give you ladies a few more minutes.”

Sister: “No, you stay right there! My oh-so-righteous sister will have the water and salad and nothing else!”

Waiter: “It’s standard to bring out what the customer specifically requests, ma’am.”

Sister: “If you bring her out that burger and fries, you will not be getting a tip!”

Me: “If you bring out my burger and fries, I will double my usual tip. However, I’d like to request another table and dine alone, if that’s possible?”

Sister: “[My Name]!”

She continued to throw passive-aggressive comments at me, and when I moved tables, she stormed out. I felt so sorry for that waiter that I stayed true to my promise and tipped him double my usual.

Three months later, my regime is going great, and my sister still mocks me daily, saying I will likely be giving up tomorrow. She has no idea that her attitude is actually spurring me on!

I’ve just finished serving a customer.

Me: “Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Talking to yourself?”

Me: “No? I’m talking to you.”

Customer: “Do you answer yourself?”

Me: “No. Again, I was speaking to you.”

Me: *Under my breath* “Jerk.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Oh, nothing. TALKING TO MYSELF.”