(My mother had just given birth to me, and they are doing all the regular checks.)

Nurse: “I think the baby might have a slight problem with her hips. I’ll just get the doctor to have a look. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”

Doctor: *without examining me* “Oh for goodness sake, she’s fine. You’re that nurse that thought the baby this morning had Downs’ because it was ugly.”

Nurse: “With all due respect, the baby this morning exhibited many facial characteristics consistent with Downs’ Syndrome. This baby is showing signs of clicky hips. Please, just humour me.”

Doctor: “No. I’m the doctor here. You’re just a nurse.” *to my mother* “There is nothing wrong with your child.”

(I’m now 21 and waiting for surgery to repair damage caused by not having this condition dealt with at birth.)

(I put a small basket of groceries by the register within easy reach of cashier.)

Cashier: *stares at me, makes no move to scan groceries*

Me: “Would you like me to take those out for you?”

Cashier: “You don’t see a sign saying we’re going to do if for you, do you?”

(The tech-lead and I are going out for lunch. I realise I forgot something so I go back to the office, leaving the tech-lead at the front door. When I’m coming back, he’s nowhere to be seen. Another well-known colleague of the same team passes by. I start ‘crying’ like a baby.)

Colleague: *catching up* “Oooh. You lost your mummy?”

Me: “Noooooo! I lost my tech-leaaaad!”

(The tech-lead appears, coming out of the washroom.)

Colleague & Me: *happy like two children who found their parent* “Tech-leaaaaaad!”

(I work in customer service and take calls to schedule house inspections.)

Me: “Welcome to [Business]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *in very thick accent* “Yes, hello? I got a letter from you to book an appointment.”

Me: “Of course. Can you give me the six-digit number on that letter, please?”

Caller: “No, no number.”

Me: “It should be right on the letter you received, right above our phone number.”

Caller: “No, no number.”

Me: “No problem. May I have your address instead, please?”

Caller: “Uhm, address… It’s in [City].”

Me: “All right, and on which street?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Which address do you live on?”

Caller: “No address.”

Me: “Perhaps I can try your name instead?”

Caller: “I don’t know name.”

Me: *very clearly* “What is your name?”

Caller: “I don’t know what my name is.”

Me: *very confused now* “Excuse me, but I have to have some information from you to be able to find you in the system or make the appointment. Your name, your address, or your phone number?”

Caller: “Yes, yes, I understand, but I don’t know my name.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry… how can you not know your name?”

(The caller suddenly starts laughing hysterically.)

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore! It’s [Colleague]. Wow, you have the most amazing patience! I’m stuck on the freeway and will be about 10 minutes late. Can you please tell [Boss] for me?”

(The reason I never realized this was a fake call was because, sadly, it was not even close to the weirdest calls I’ve had.)

Mum: “Could we have a bottle of the house white wine, please?”

Waitress: “Certainly.”

(The waitress walks away and comes back a couple of minutes later with a darkly coloured bottle. She starts pouring wine into my mum’s glass but the wine is red.)

Mum: “Oh, I’m sorry. It was the house white wine that I ordered.”

Waitress: “Oh, of course. I’m terribly sorry. I won’t be a moment.”

(The waitress walks away again and returns a couple of minutes later with another bottle. She starts pouring this, but once again it is red wine.)

Mum: “I’m sorry. It was white wine that I ordered. The house white?”

Waitress: “Oh, yes, of course. I am sorry. Just one moment.”

(The waitress walks away, coming back a few minutes later with another bottle of wine. She pours this bottle, but it’s rose.)

Mum: *giving up* “That’s… better?”

(The entire table looked at each other, waited for the waitress to leave, and burst into laughter.)

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