Some People Drive You To Drink

(I am at a local grocery store looking for a specific brand of cat food. I have a few items in my cart, including a bottle of cooking wine. Suddenly, a customer comes from the back and SLAMS her cart pretty hard into mine.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: *unintelligible mumbling* “…serves you right!”

(The customer quickly makes her way to the end of the aisle. I brush it off and keep looking for the cat food. A few seconds later the customer turns around and, this time, slams her cart pretty hard right into my thigh.)

Me: “Ow! Lady, please. Slow down!”

Customer: “Humph!”

(The customer speeds around the corner. I am appalled that she didn’t even apologize but I brush it off again, thinking that this will be the end of it. However, not even a minute later, the lady comes back and slams her cart into me again, pushing me towards the shelves.)

Me: “Really? Lady, this is the third time you crashed into me in less than five minutes! Is there anything wrong?”

Customer: “Yeah! That serves you right for being an alcoholic!”

Me: “Excuse me? I don’t even drink, not that it is any of your business!”

Customer: “Liar! I see the wine bottle and all the beer, plus your face is all red. Alcoholic! Women like you should be ashamed!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s one bottle of cooking wine. This is not beer. It’s soda. My face is red because I had to spend a lot of time shoveling my car out in very cold weather. Once again, this is none of your business!”

Customer: “And you admit to using a car! Drunks should not drive! Hhmph! Drunk harlot!”

(She quickly takes off with her cart only to smash it into the opposite shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.)

Me: “Apparently, you shouldn’t drive either!”