The Call With No Name

(I work in customer service and take calls to schedule house inspections.)

Me: “Welcome to [Business]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *in very thick accent* “Yes, hello? I got a letter from you to book an appointment.”

Me: “Of course. Can you give me the six-digit number on that letter, please?”

Caller: “No, no number.”

Me: “It should be right on the letter you received, right above our phone number.”

Caller: “No, no number.”

Me: “No problem. May I have your address instead, please?”

Caller: “Uhm, address… It’s in [City].”

Me: “All right, and on which street?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Which address do you live on?”

Caller: “No address.”

Me: “Perhaps I can try your name instead?”

Caller: “I don’t know name.”

Me: *very clearly* “What is your name?”

Caller: “I don’t know what my name is.”

Me: *very confused now* “Excuse me, but I have to have some information from you to be able to find you in the system or make the appointment. Your name, your address, or your phone number?”

Caller: “Yes, yes, I understand, but I don’t know my name.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry… how can you not know your name?”

(The caller suddenly starts laughing hysterically.)

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore! It’s [Colleague]. Wow, you have the most amazing patience! I’m stuck on the freeway and will be about 10 minutes late. Can you please tell [Boss] for me?”

(The reason I never realized this was a fake call was because, sadly, it was not even close to the weirdest calls I’ve had.)