(My parents immigrated to the US a few years before my sister and I were born and went through all the red tape to get their citizenship legally. Even though it’s been twenty plus years my mom still speaks with an accent and some broken English when stressed. One afternoon a telemarketer calls and my mom, in a hurry to go pick up my youngest sister from school, answers without looking at the caller ID.)

Mom: “Hello?

Telemarketer: “Hello, are you interesting in improving your home security?”

Mom: “No, thank you, ma’am. Can you please no call here? Good bye.”

(Not a minute later the telemarketer called back, but this time got the answering machine. She screamed and cussed at my mom for hanging up; she then started threatening to call immigration and get her “Mexican a**” deported. My older sister called the company back later and reported the woman. I’m not a hateful person, but I hope she was fired.)

(My freshman year of college, I live in a dorm. Somehow, I get this random phone call.)

Caller: “Hi, I’m a representative with [Solar Company]. I’d like to talk to you about our services.”

Me: “I’m not interested but thank you anyway.”

Caller: “Why aren’t you interested? Solar can really help you save on your electric bill.”

Me: “I don’t have anywhere to our solar. You see—”

Caller: *interrupting* “Oh, are you no longer the owner of [Address of my college]?”

Me: “Uh, no. I’m not.”

Caller: *click*

Me: *to myself* “Do they really think I’m the owner of this entire place?”

Boss: *unhappy about how we handled a certain procedure in our daily routine* “You should ALWAYS do it like this! Never do it differently!”

Coworker: “Last week you told us to do it differently, remember?”

Boss: “NO, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO IT LIKE THIS!”

Coworker: “But what if you tell us otherwise?”

Boss: “Then you shouldn’t listen to me!”

(Our night person recently quit, and we had to hire someone to replace him on short notice. He’s not a bad worker, but he was only given two shifts of training before being put on nights alone. As such, he doesn’t know the items on the register, has tried to sell baking materials to customers [the stuff we need to make our baked goods and is NEVER for sale], and has been painfully slow. It is Canada Day weekend, the biggest weekend of the year for business.)

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor], I just checked the schedule, and the only person working after 11 pm is the night person.”

Supervisor: “Are you kidding me? They only scheduled ONE PERSON for Canada Day!?”

Me: “Looks that way.”

Supervisor: “I’m going to go into the back and cry.”

(When stuff like this happens it usually means the supervisors are obligated to stay for hours after their shift to help without any warning. My supervisor calls up my boss.)

Supervisor: “Hey, I just checked the schedule and only the night person is scheduled tonight. You didn’t re-allocate an afternoon person to help him?”

Boss: “Nope! He should be fine!”

Supervisor: “Every day these past few weekends we’ve been lined up out the door from morning until two am. This night person has no idea what he’s doing, and he’s been stressing out because he’s having to deal with a full line up of customers, drive-thru, and making sandwiches all by himself, as well as doing all of his nightly cleaning duties and prep-work. We’ve been forced to stay for hours after our shifts have ended to help him, because otherwise he’d get nothing done. And tonight, the busiest night of the year, he’ll be dealing with a full line up of customers all night. He won’t get anything done…”

Boss: “Oh… well, it’s not your job to stay there!”

Supervisor: “You told us that it is.”

Boss: “Well, it’s not! Go home when your shift ends! And nobody else can stay to help him either!”

(My supervisor decided to do what my boss says, because otherwise he’d be stuck there until two am. My supervisor and I clocked out and stood outside as the store filled with customers, drive-thru was packed to the brim, and droves of customers were leaving angry because the one person working the entire store wasn’t going fast enough. The next weekend my boss asked the supervisors to stay late to help out again… and the night shift person quit two weeks later.)

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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(My boyfriend and I go to grab food from a well known fast food chain. We usually have our order figured out, but my eye catches a new item on their menu as we roll up to the speaker.)

Cashier: “Hi, welcome to [Chain]. How can I help you today?”

Me: *long silence*

Cashier: “…Hello?”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I was a bit speechless. I just saw this bacon three-way burger.”

Cashier: “Yeah, most people are. Just let me know when you’re ready to order, and don’t forget to breathe!”

Boyfriend: “Did he just…?”

Me: “Remind me to breathe? Yes. Yes, he did.”

(We ordered. I did indeed get that burger, and the cashier was really cool and wished us to enjoy the three-way. He was awesome.)