In my mid-twenties, I had to work in telephone customer service for a satelite tv company. When I started, I was told that the job was strictly customer service and technical support, which was fine by me, but when I started, it turned out that a big part of the job was upselling services and just straight up sales – something I was not comfortable with *at all*.

However, Swedish unemployment benefits being what they are, I was not allowed to turn down this paid job offer, despite being in the middle of unpaid training for a job that would have fit me a lot better at the time. So, good-bye kitchen, hello call-center hell.

I was in trouble from the beginning. From a customer perspective, I’m *good* at customer service because I’m a problem solver and I like to help people. I had no problem learning the system, and passed my initial training with flying colours.

However, this company’s idea of customer service was that when a customer’s crappy satelite box broke (even within the warranty), I was supposed to sell them a new crappy satellite box instead of offering to get the old one repaired. We were also supposed to ‘take responsibility for our own tickets’, which meant that that we were supposed to make the customer happy, while we had no actual power to fix anything at all, and it was extremely frowned upon from management to ask a co-worker or manager for help, because that would bring up call times.

From week one of working there, my call times were too high, my sales were too low, and all my managers disliked me because I had the gall to ask for help when I needed it.

I didn’t realize how much they disliked me, until the day when I had just started my lunch break and was waiting for my lunchbox to heat up in the microwave and one of my managers came up to me and asked me if I could step in and man the phones a little longer, because we were swamped.

At this point, I had already been called into the head managers’ office once and been yelled at because I had misunderstood a complicated invoice and there had been been no manager around to ask for help so I’d tried to solve the problem to the best of my very limited ability.

I was still within my trial period and could not afford to be fired, because then I would be facing three months without unemployment benefits. I could literally not refuse, so I put my lukewarm lunchbox back in the fridge and went back to my desk.

Once there, I was starting to get a little suspicious. Yes, there were a lot more calls than usual coming in, but it wasn’t exactly *swamped*. However, I noticed that I seemed to be the only person in my section working, but whatever, this was a country-wide callcenter. So I kept taking calls and doing my job, and a while later later, one of my co-workers came back from lunch and logged back on and said:

Co-worker: “That was really nice, wasn’t it?”

Me: *confused* “Sorry, what was nice?”

Co-worker: “The way the managers cleared everyone’s schedules so we could all have pizza together. What kind did you get?”

Me: “Pizza? I didn’t get any pizza. I had to cut my break short because there was to much to do. I’ve been here taking calls when I should have had my lunch break forty minutes ago.”

Co-worker: “Really? They said there would be pizza for everyone. Hey, take your break now, maybe they saved some slices for you.”

I logged out and took my break and went to the kitchen to find a lot of empty pizza boxes but no leftover pizza, and a manager clearing away the empty boxes.

Manager: Hey, (my name) what are you doing out here?

Me: Um… taking my lunch break? One of the managers asked me to cut it short to answer the phones while the rest of you had… pizza… I guess. So I’d like to have my break now.

Manager: Oh, you were too late for the pizza? That’s a pity. But you were scheduled to have your lunch from 12 to 12:30 and if you missed it that’s on you.

Me: I was literally told by a manager that I had to skip my scheduled lunch break and go back to work. Apparently so the rest of you could have pizza. Can I have my lunch break now, please? I’ve been here since eight o’clock and I’m pretty hungry.

Manager: You know the rules, (my name). You have to take your scheduled lunch break or you’ll lose it.

Me: But I was told not to take it. What am I supposed to do here? Work the entire day without a break?

Manager: You need to take your scheduled breaks. Now, get on the phone before head office flags us.

I got back to my desk to find several missed calls from head office quality control about how I’d been marked as ‘idle’ for too long. ‘

That was just the beginning of it. I lasted three months at that place before I had a complete nervous breakdown (in the middle of a staff meeting about how much they cared about their employees at that) and after that was heavily encouraged to hand in my notice so that the record would show that I had quit out of my own free will.

(I’m still suffering the financial consequences of quitting this job, even fifteen years after this occured, and I still get completely terrified every time a manager tells me they need to talk to me, because I’m terrified that I’ll be fired for not picking up my phone when I’m not in my office.)

My husband and I (a small built female) own a welding service. We have been hired for a large remodel job and have to move a large amount of heavy material, think 120+ pound metal beams. The contractor we work for has offered to help us.

CONTRACTOR: *team lifting with my husband* “these are pretty heavy!”

Me: *picks one up alone and walks away with it* “Yeah, kinda.”

HUSBAND: *laughing* “Well you gotta lift one now man.”

CONTRACTOR: *picks up a beam alone* “HOW DOES SHE MAKE THAT LOOK SO EASY?!”

A week or so later we come back to do more work and that contractor is telling some of the other workers the story…

CONTRACTOR: “She made it look easy, that girl is deceptively small, I wouldn’t wanna fight her.”

(Mum and I are waiting for our programme to start, so we’ve turned over to the channel it’s going to be on in preparation as there’s naff all on. We’re catching the tail end of a programme sharing ‘secrets’ in supermarket food. The presenter is talking about premade cake from the supermarket)

Presenter: “This cake shares an ingredient that’s also in anti-freeze. Are you still interested in eating it?”

Poor people who are having their favourite food ruined: “No. Really not.”

Mum: “Does it? What ingredient?”

Me (to mum): “One that’s perfectly safe to consume – most likely the preservative in it as well. She’s just going for shock value. Almonds contain cyanide. Apple seeds contain arsenic. Both are pretty poisonous to humans. Does that put you off eating almonds and apples?”

Mum: “I like to eat apple cores.”

Me: “You are eating arsenic.”

Mum: “It’s obviously what makes me so toxic.”

(It’s the next day. Due to my intolerance to milk, I am trying a nut variety milk in tea whilst watching tv with mum. An advert comes on boasting it contain good stuff for your hair)

Mum: “They boast having this, but pretty sure the Ancient Greeks had hair and no fancy conditioner”

Me: (after googling it) “It’s an common element of root veg, citrus fruit, soya, leafy greens… So they probably just rubbed potatoes in their hair or something”

Mum: “… It’s just like the anti-freeze cake. ‘It has this in it which is special!’ – it’s just vegetables”

Me: “Almonds contain cyanide!”

(There’s a pause)

Me: “I’m drinking cyanide!”

Mum: (at the same time) “You’re drinking cyanide!”

So I was 25 when this story happened, going to what is effectively a government run trade school. Important info, our previous PS teacher had been fired for…no reason that I know was legitimate, and we had gotten a new teacher who wasn’t nearly as good.

Now the thing to know about the first teacher that was different from the second teacher is while the first guy was willing to give you a chance as long as you didn’t have a criminal background, he wasn’t afraid to get you kicked out of PS and put into another program if he didn’t think you had what it takes.

The other thing to be aware of is that the higher ups were looking for any way to get rid of us “old hands” who had been here during the first teacher’s time and were trying to continue to do things his way.

Now in the last few months of my time in this course, a teen joins us. He is brash, thoughtless, and has trouble understanding certain stuff as he has some mental disability. That’s fine. I take him under my wing (at the time I was promoted to Sergeant, which was a meaningless title as our new teacher did not back us up at all) and try to teach him the ropes, as I may not have his exact mental issue, but I know what its like to struggle with one. I very quickly start finding him annoying. He reports every minor infraction, even if its something that can’t be proven and can quickly be stopped if someone else is seen coming (such as smoking, which was not allowed on campus. But most people stop before they are caught.) And its not because he wants to get rid of people PS and the school would be better off without, its because he wants to cause trouble. I know this because he gets one of our classmates termed (expelled) for having a sword on campus because they got into an argument just the two of them. He’s also been caught with chewing tobacco at least once (he is underage and this is a termining offense) and is not termed because “he has a mental disability and we need to do everything we can to help him get a job.” I walk on eggshells with him for the rest of my time there, even though I don’t do anything illegal, because I often have to be alone with him, and I don’t want him to say something happened that can’t be disproven. And I learn still more about this kid. He has multiple harassment reports from new female students that are just starting. Again, he isn’t termed for this or the tobacco. And he’s still reporting anything and everything to get others into trouble. After I leave, I hear he got put on permanent medical leave for trying to commit suicide. (Its termining without actually terming.)

(My daughter is taking part in an online story-telling session for kids, put on by the local castle/museum and themed for the river Shannon. The hosts just finished a song about a river that got a bit silly..)

Host: “What?? Boats don’t flow! What flows folks?”

Random kid: “LAVA!!!”