(I have wanted a small tattoo for a while now, and I have recently decided on a design that I like, and that has several meanings behind it. My parents are very supportive, though my extended family is quite against tattoos. My grandma is somewhere in the middle – she doesn’t really like tattoos, but understands that its not her choice if someone else wants one. I am currently out at lunch with my grandma, when a girl walks past.)

Grandma: *gasps, and looks a bit shocked*

Me: “What?”

Grandma: “That girl had tattoos all the way down her arm!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s a big commitment! I do like small tattoos though, especially when they have meaning behind them.”

Grandma: “They’re even worse! In three years time they won’t mean anything anymore!”

Me: *tries not to react* “Um… yeah.”

(Hopefully she doesn’t say that when I finally tell her that I want one!)

(I’m about 15 during this story.I’m not ashamed to admit that my brother is a jackass.His girlfriend and my former babysitter broke up with him over his nasty attitude.The following conversation happens through text.)

Brother:You can’t broke up with me.If you don’t apologise and come back to me I’ll send everyone those private photos you sent me.
Me:Hey,I think you meant that for Lisa,this is Liz.Your sister?
Brother:Shit…Be a sweetie and delete that so your big brother doesn’t get in trouble.I’ll buy you that game consol you wanted.
Me:Tempting but no.I already screenshotted this and sending it to our parents,grandparents,other relatives I can think of and your therapist.Also,given Lisa’s profession as an erotic model,I don’t think your threat holds much water.
Brother:Come on,why chose her over your own brother?
Me:I’m not gonna betray the best babysitter in the world.Unlike you she remembered to feed me,helped me with homework and drove me to my dance classes.

(Yeah,he wasn’t happy but even he won’t violate a restraining order.)

(My sister had a bad day and all she wants to do know is sleep.Having spent my entire childhood sharing the same room with her and now sharing an apartmrnt,I know it’s not a good idea to wake her up.Unfortunately, her boyfriend of just a month doesn’t.)

Me:*playing my video game with headphones in*
Sister’s boyfriend:Hey, [my name]!
Me:Yeah?
Boyfriend:Sorry to invite myself in but I think [sister] took my phone by mistake.
Me:I think it’s in her room but you’d be safer if you wait until she wakes up.
Sister’s boyfriend:Nah,I’ll be quiet as a mouse.
Me:That girl has the hearing of a bat,not to mention had a lot of frustrating customers today.

(He proceeds to ignore my warning and enters her room,somehow wakingnher up.All I heard was some muffled swearing.)

Me:Told you.
Sister’s boyfriend:I’m lucky she threw her pillow and not the alarm clock.

When I was very little, I was just as odd a kid as I am an adult. One of my mom’s favorite stories to tell about me was when I was very little (before I can recall) and getting a vaccination. When the shot was all done, I just turned and looked at the nurse and said:

Me: “More?”

Of course, my brother isn’t me – his reaction to getting a shot at a similar age was to say:

Brother: “I. AM. NEVER. GETTING. ONE. OF. THOSE. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!”

(My husband has just gotten home from work, and is lying in the couch while talking to the kids and I. Our son is eating grapes, and has already eaten dinner. I’m pregnant and dealing with nausea and food aversions has made cooking meals difficult.)

Me: I made biscuits and gravy for dinner. [Son] did eat dinner, just not much.

Husband: That’s good. You made food?

Me: Yep.

Husband: And you made a filling dinner?

Me: Yep, and there was even meat!