They Have Been Appraised As Unworthy

(I do real estate appraisals for banks. The majority of these are “drive-by” where I just take pictures of the home from the exterior, but once in a while, I get orders that require me to go into the home and take photos of all of the rooms. The banks outsource these jobs to a third party, who has hired me, so I don’t always know which bank requested the appraisal, or the reason for the request. Typically it’s for a home equity loan or loan modification. Most people know why the bank wants to appraise their home. I get an order and call the homeowner.)

Owner: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company]. I have a request for an appraisal for your property at [Address].”

Owner: “What? Who is this?”

Me: “This is [My Name] from [Company]; is this your property at [Address]?”

Owner: “I don’t know who you are! Why are you calling? Who told you to call me?”

Me: “I don’t kno—”

Owner: *losing her mind* “Who are you? I don’t know anything about this! What is this about?!”

(Cue five minutes of her completely melting down.)

Me: “Have a nice day.” *click*

(I called this woman on my cell phone, and I, unfortunately, don’t have a blocked caller ID, so about five minutes later she calls me back. I do not pick up. I think she thinks she is calling a large business. She leaves me the following voicemail messages, which I have transcribed verbatim:)

Voicemail: “This is [Owner]. I just received a call that is very disturbing for a Sunday afternoon, saying that someone wanted to come and appraise my home. I couldn’t get any answers from anyone — not from anyone! Who it was, where it was, and why it needed to be done. And until you can call someone on a Sunday and give these answers, do not call me again. DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN!”

(Then, five minutes later, another call:)

Voicemail: “Again, this is [Owner]. I did not like the idea of someone calling me on a Sunday afternoon to inquire about an appraisal. When you call someone you give your name, where you are calling from, and who is putting out this information. I have reported this number to the police. If you want to call me back, do so tomorrow morning.”

(Then, about two hours later:)

Voicemail: “My name is [Owner]. This is my third call. I just thought I would call you as many times as you called me with the nonsense about appraising my home. When you call someone you tell them where you’re calling from, why you’re calling… You don’t do that. When we try to reach you by telephone you’re never available. So, neither am I. You’re d*** foolish to do this, and I have contacted the police. So, bye-bye! I’ll talk to you later.”

(Then, at 8:00 am the next morning:)

Voicemail: “Good morning. This is [Owner]! I thought I’d be early this morning and call you because you keep calling me. You never leave your name, never a number that we can call you back, and when we do you’re unavailable. You call and say my house is up for assessment, but you don’t say why. All I want to know is why! But I will keep calling you, and your name and number have been submitted to the Attorney General, so I suggest you take your number away. Goodbye, and have a nice, nice day!”

(The sucky part of this story is that the woman would not stop losing her s*** long enough for me to tell her that I’d be happy to get more information for her about which bank ordered the appraisal and why. I gave her my name and company name twice but she just wouldn’t listen to me. I’ve been doing this for six years; obviously, I don’t just call people and say, “Hi, I’m a stranger. Can I come inside your house tomorrow around three?” I thought this woman was never going to stop calling me. I was planning to go to the police myself if she called one more time; luckily the calls stopped. I was begging the company I work for to have someone call her and straighten her out. I don’t know if that ever happened.)